I Can't Write About...

...what is really on my mind at the moment. Somewhat frustrating, but there you have it.

It relates to the solving of my conundrum, and a timing issue.

I am not sure whether I am being sensible and level headed, or just avoiding the issue. Problem is, by avoiding the issue, it may go away in a way I don't want.

How's that for effing cryptic?

Random Wednesday Musings

Too much rattling around in my head at the moment to even attempt a coherent entry*, so just a bunch of pot shots.

I am seeing a light at the end of the tunnel with this show. I can't wait to get home.

A message for politicians of all stripes: Creating jobs is not the same as providing economic opportunity.

S the originator of the Multi-State, Girlie Advising Posse, sent me a link to her blog. I will wait for her permission to link to it, but I am, as always, impressed with her insights into herself and those around her. And since I know she is reading, Christmas won't be the same without you, either.

I go to LA in two weeks. BR, one of the MSGAP lives there, so hopefully we will be able to catch up.

The return of my crypticness** has been noted by some. Hopefully soon that will cease, though there still may be no explanation given here.

How is it that in the almost two thousand years since the writings about Jesus, we still have not grasped the fundamental message. I don't belive in the divinity of Jesus, but I do believe in his ideas. We are responsible for the well being of those we share the world with. Living according to the letter of the law is not the same as leading a moral life. Peace and forgiveness. Self sacrifice for the greater good.

Up until the end of the day yesterday, I was a pretty big ball of negative energy for about four days. My thanks to those who bore the brunt of that, and my apologies.

Have I mentioned how much I love my iPod. It's like crack. I just can't stop.

For all my bitching the past couple of days, I am as happy as I have ever been. I know am the luckiest guy alive.

*I know, I know. Most of you are still awaiting the emergence of this coherentness.***

** Is that even a word?

*** Or that?

In Other News

:)

And Still More Movie Quotes

Marcus: “I’ve been meaning to ask you. What’s the difference between a girl who’s just your friend, and a girlfriend?”

Will: “Well, I don’t know. Do you want to touch her?”

Marcus: “Is that so important?”

Will: “You’ve heard of sex, right? It’s sort of a big deal in a relationship.”

Marcus: “I know. I just can’t believe there isn’t more to it than that. I mean, I want to be with her. I want to be with her all the time. And I want to tell her things I don’t even tell you or Mom. I don’t want her to have another boyfriend. I suppose if I could have all that, I wouldn’t care if I touched her.”

About A Boy

Three Wishes?

Last week, I was in Minneapolis working on a production of Disney's Aladdin. We all know the story, Aladdin finds a lamp, out pops a genie who grants Al three wishes.

It started me thinking, if I could wish for three things, and have them be true, what would I wish for?

1. That I could sing as well as Bing Crosby.

2. That I could dance as well as Fred Astaire.

3. That empathy was an inate human quality.

What would you wish for?

I Am An Asshole

My conundrum has led me to do to someone else something I hate having done to me. In the time I have been figuring out what to do, I have left someone to wonder.

If you are still reading, I am very sorry.

For Those Who Are Wondering

I made it to California safely.

Another Mastercard Moment

30 GB iPod: $300.00

Music downloaded from i-Tunes: $45.00

Five hour plane ride unable to hear the screaming children seated directly behind you: Priceless

A New Member Of The Posse

East Coast Alaska Girl has now become an official member of the Multi-State, Girlie-Advising Posse.

Seeing Ourselves

There are two people in my life right now who are dealing with the aftermath of ending relationships. I won't share details, (they are not mine to share), but the thing I find in common about these two women and their situations, is how much each are questioning themselves, not just in terms of the relationship, but their whole lives. Questioning and doubting.

What I find frustrating about this is that neither of them are able to see themselves the way I do. Both are funny, intelligent, beautiful, vibrant, sexy women who have so much to offer the world, and also to any man lucky enough to be worthy of them. They are both extraodinary human beings.*

If I can see that, why can't they.

*I am priviliged to surround myself with fantastic people who make me a better person because they are my friends.

An Open Letter To The US Press

Take two hours of your day, go to the movie theatre, and see Good Night and Good Luck. Pay very close attention to Murrow's speech at the beginning and end of the film. Take it to heart, and go put it into action.

The Fourth Estate exists to protect the governed from their government. We as citizens lack the access to our public officials to ask the questions that so desperately need to be asked. I cannot stand up and ask the President, point blank, whether intellegence was doctored to justify the invasion of Iraq, or whether he truly believes torture is an acceptable option to obtain information from prisoners.

I cannot advocate for a government that is accountable to the people. I cannot pry into the corners to assure that those in power are using that power responsibly. I cannot bring to task those who line their pockets at the expense of the lives and welfare of others.

You can.

And you must.

The Show Is Open

We opened Disney's Aladdin this evening. The show went off without a hitch, and the writing flaws not withstanding, the audience had a wonderful time.

Despite my maudlin posts over the past two weeks, the experience here with the staff at Children's Theatre Company has been one of utter delight. Everyone involved in the whole process has been positive, upbeat, co-operative and professional. My followspot operators were the best I have ever had. I have been spoiled. I would return here to do another show in a heartbeat.

The best part of all: They gave the elephant a bio in the program.

My Last Posts

The zoological nature of my last few posts does not in any way indicate a shift in the focus of The Lighting Designer's Life. I will soon post more whining drivel about my personal life (or lack thereof) and projeccts I am working on. Don't you worry.

Last Night

After some gut wrenching, soul searching debate, they decided not to cut the elephant from the show.

And last night, it danced. Shook it's money maker. Got down with it's own bad self.

I was giddy with delight.

Sometimes, you just need a dancing elephant.

Oddest Thing Seen In Minneapolis

A man walking through downtown at 9:oo AM carrying a 3 foot tall kangaroo.

I couldn't make that up if I tried.

Allright...

...so I was a little whiney this morning. Sorry bout that.

Random Wednesday Musings

I have not been posting much lately, not because I don't have anything to talk about, but because most of what is on my mind I don't really want to share with the general public.

The show had it's first preview last night. The audience seemed to love it. And the orchestra was fantastic.

It snowed here last night.

We had Rain Man driving our cab last night. "I'm an excellent driver."

Heard my first Christmas songs of the season on the radio. Surprisingly (sp?), I was not annoyed, but somewhat warmed by it.

I am feeling rootless, especially as the holidays approach. I have been walking by the Crate and Barrel every couple of days, and their displays all say "Gather and Prepare". I miss having people to gather with, to prepare for. I will spend Thanksgiving in California, and Christmas in Alaska, so it is not as if I would be around to do any preparing or gathering anyway, but I would like it to be an option*. Maybe I am just feeling lonely.

This will be the first Christmas in five years I have not spent with S.

A couple of months ago, Lucky Spinster asked me why I had never come to Wing Night, and my response was "Because I have never been invited." It came out way snottier than I had intended, so I had to explain. I was raised by a Southern woman, with Southern manners. You do not just show up somewhere without an invitation. It is not polite. LS proceeded to give me an open invitation to Wing Night (although she has now done away with it, that tease). I have been wondering lately if I would feel less lonely if I were more able to invite myself places. I just don't want to be that guy, you know?

* I have recieved two invitations for Thanksgiving. I just miss hosting large groups, spending a long day with people I love. The people I love either have family thay spend the holidays with, or they live out of town. And this foot note is turning into it's own post, so i will stop. I might expound on this more later.

Tooting My Own Horn*

I got a mention in a Potomac Stages review.

Production values are almost never mentioned in reviews in DC, so I am happy to have the mention at all.

And yes, I do design scenery as well.

* Does anyone else think that sounds dirty?

If I Were Inclined To Get A Graduate Degree

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced. You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

I Am Not Up To The Task

It is times like this I wish I was a better writer. If were, if I had the ability to articulate a point of view clearly, cleanly and concisely, I might be able to convince George W Bush that his thinking on pretty much every issue is completely incorrect.

Issue one: In a Vetran's Day speech yesterday, the President contended that the Democrats asking questions about whether or not his administration had used false intelligence to justify the invasion of Iraq was, "deeply irresponsible".

"The stakes in the global war on terror are too high, and the national interest is too important, for politicians to throw out false charges," Mr. Bush said. "These baseless attacks send the wrong signal to our troops and to an enemy that is questioning America's will. As our troops fight a ruthless enemy determined to destroy our way of life, they deserve to know that their elected leaders who voted to send them to war continue to stand behind them."*

Huh?

How is asking whether we have committed troops into harm's way on false pretenses in any way sending the message to our troops that their elected officials do not stand behind them? How do you spin that? To me, that seems to be the greatest show of support.

And let me say the thing that no other liberal seems to be willing to say out loud. For all the people on the extreme right posturing about "un patriotic Americans" who openly question the "war on terror", the President has committed the greatest unpatriotic act. He has lied to the American people, and the entire world community, and used our armed forces for purposes that have nothing to do with defending this country.

It is the President, and his administration, who are betraying the United States, by willfully disregarding the ideals we as a nation were founded on.

A note on this "ruthless enemy determined to destrory our way of life." Intelligent, college educated people do not fly planes into buildings over idealogical differences. This is not about not believing in the freedom of speech, or the protection against unwarranted search and seizure. It is not even about hatred of western religion. They do it because they live in a place being adversely effected by US policies, and violent action is the only way to get our attention. These are people who have suffered as few of us could comprehend, people who have watched economic sanctions starve their children. Who have seen the US meddle in their local affairs for no other reason than the protection of US financial interests. I do not condon the loss of innocent life, but it is time for us to realize that to a certain extent, we are simply reaping what we have sown.

The use of violent acts to attempt to change policy has a long history. There would be no Republic of Ireland except for armed resistance. And lest we forget, one of the events celebrated in history classes around the nation as a milestone in the US struggle for independance, the Boston Tea Party, was itself an act of terrorism.


There is much more to say on this, but it will have to wait

In Case You Were Wondering

Black velour is not a flattering fashion choice.

For anyone.

Things Accomplished Today

Finally found my stride at the theatre. Sleeping helps.

Made a decision about my conundrum.

Took a photo of the elephant costume in it's storage place off-stage right; flown up about eight feet off the deck.

Yes folks, we have flying elephants.

Why Is It

That my conundrum is far more clear when I am out of town?

Finding My Niche

I have been having trouble settling into a groove here. Normally, an assistant is either someone brought in by the designer, or someone with a staff position at the theatre. I am neither. I did not get the paperwork for the show until the day before I came here, so I don't have a firm grasp on the way the designer has organized her information. I am also unfamiliar with CTC's operating procedures, so I don't know what the dynamic usually is, or even where to go to get things (I was here for a whole day before I even knew how to get onto the stage).

The consequence of all of this is I have not been feeling on my game. And I hate that. While I am never sure of myself in almost any other aspect of my life, the one place I always feel like I know what I am doing is the theatre.

As City Mouse pointed out, it is probably good for me to get rattled around every once in a while. Keeps me honest, and hopefully softens that whole arrogant prick thing I have going.

The other odd thing about the situation here is that I have absolutely no emotional investment in the project. I am nervous about doing a good job, but that has more to do with where I am working and with whom. I am ambivilant about the show itself. I am working just to work and that is not a place I like to be.

And that is the reason I probably will never have a career in commercial theatre. I am not someone who can be passionate about just collecting a check. For me to be at my best, I have to have an emotional investment in the project as a whole, not just my part of it.

Perhaps that is why I really have not been feeling on my game here.

I May Convert To Scientology

Cause those Scientology women are hot.

At least the ones in Minneapolis.

Job Listing

In case you know anyone looking for a job, the Church of Scientology in downtown Minneapolis is hiring.

Why I Love My Job

This evening, while watching the run through of Aladdin, I got to watch two men in an elephant costume dance.

It just doesn't get any better than that.

Why I Now Hate Flying More.

As most of you know, I hate to fly, but my terror is generally confined to the take-off and landing portion of the exercise. Something like 95% of all air crashes occur during take-off and landing, so if I can get through that, I feel like I have pretty much beaten the odds (even my luck isn't that bad)

Now imagine you are on a flight to Chicago, cruising along at 28,000 feet (that's five miles above the surface of the earth). Now imagine the fasten seatbelt sign turns on and the plane suddenly dives down 14,000 feet in the span of about two minutes. Let me say that again.

The plane dives down 14,000 feet in the span of about two minutes. That's almost three miles.

Finally the pilot comes on the loudspeaker to tell us our sudden change in altitude was because they were unable to keep the cbin at pressure at the height we were travelling.

In plain English, what that means is there was a leak somehwere blowing the air out of the cabin.

Have I mentioned I hate to fly.

I am safe in Minneapolis, BTW.

Alaska Time Sucks

It always happens when I return from Alaska. I am stuck in that time zone, which would be fine, except that I have a show loading in in seven hours, and another that needs to go into the shop this week, and I will be crashing hard core in a few hours.

The other part of this that sucks is there is little to do at 5:00 AM other than work or sit about thinking. The things I am thinking about are my conundrum. The clarity I seemed to have while I was out of town has vanished like Angelina Jolie's thong*.

My posting may be a bit sparse the next couple of weeks. I leave Friday to work in Minneapolis for two weeks, and have a lot to do before then.

*I have no idea what the hell that even means.

On My Way Home

After almost three weeks in Juneau, I am finally on my way home. The show opened last night, and though there were a few technical hitches during the second act, the audience seemed to really enjoy themselves. I often have difficulty looking at my own work, but I was able to relax and take pleasure in both my work and everyone else’s.

ECAG and I went looking for bears yesterday. A momma bear with two cubs have been seen hanging around Mendenhall Glacier, so we headed out to the valley to see if we could spot them. We arrived to find a group of people staring across the road into the trees, and a park ranger preventing anyone from going up the trail. When we asked, we were told the bears had crossed the parking lot about an hour before we arrived, and they had gone up into a tree to take a nap. We waited for quite a while to see if they would re-emerge, but though I was able to see the movement of the mother in the trees, there was no bona fide bear sighting. Maybe next time.

Shame

One of the blogs I read regularly is Chairbourne Stranger, posted by a US serviceman stationed in Iraq. It has been interesting to get an insider’s perspective on the situation there, and although I have no idea who he is, I have begun to feel as if I know him somewhat.

So when I read this post, I almost cried. And then I became so angry I couldn’t speak. It is one thing for our nation’s armed forces to have to face the horrors of war in actions that protect the people of this country, but I know the invasion of Iraq has done nothing to make the world safer for US citizens. In fact it has done much to make it less so.

We as a nation are in the wrong. I know it is trite to use comparisons with the Nazis, but by our unwarranted invasion, that is the level we have sunk to. I am personally ashamed to be a citizen of the United States. And I am doubly ashamed that people such as this soldier have to experience the trauma of war for reasons not worthy of their sacrifice.

So for him, and all those who are fighting and dying in this horrible and meaningless war, I offer the following song from Eric Bogle.


Willy McBride

Well how do you do, young Willy McBride.
Do you mind if I sit here down by your graveside,
And rest here awhile, neath the warm summer sun,
I’ve been walking all day, and I’m nearly done.

And I see by your gravestone, you were only nineteen,
When you joined the brave fallen, in nineteen sixteen.
Well I hope you died well, and I hope you died clean
Or young Willy McBride, was it slow and obscene.

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?

Did you leave any wife, or a sweetheart behind?
In some faithful heart are you forever enshrined?
Although you died back in nineteen sixteen,
In that faithful heart, are you forever nineteen?

Or are you a stranger without even a name,
Enclosed there forever, behind a glass pane.
In an old photograph torn and battered and stained,
And faded to yellow in a brown leather frame.

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?

Oh the sun how it shines on the green fields of France.
There’s a warm summer breeze makes the red poppies dance.
See how the sun shines from under the clouds.
There’s no gas, no barbed wire, there’s no guns firing now.

But here in this graveyard it’s still no man’s land,
As the countless white crosses in mute witness stand,
To man’s blind indifference, to his fellow man,
To a whole generation that were butchered and damned.

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?

Now young Willy McBride, I can’t help wonder why.
Did all those who lie here know why they died?
Did they really believe, when they answered the calls,
Did they really believe, that this war would end wars?

For the sorrow, the suffering, the glory, the pain,
The killing and the dying, they were all done in vain.
For young Willy McBride, it’s all happened again.
And again and again and again and again.

Did they beat the drum slowly, did they play the fife lowly,
Did they sound the death march as they lowered you down?
Did the band play the last post and chorus?
Did the pipes play the flowers of the forest?



Peace.

Please.

Still No Bears

Although there was a picture of two in a tree on the front page of the Juneau newspaper yesterday. I am going to try and go out tommorrow to the glacier, where they seem to be hanging out.

Starting to second guess my clarity where my conundrum is concerned.

Though I don't have contracts yet, I have verbal agreements for two more shows here. Add that to the assisting work I have with D and a few other projects I have going (all but one of which are out of town), and by the middle of March I will have done fifteen shows this season.

Fifteen shows in seven and a half months. While I am certainly happy to have work, and to be actually making a living at what I love, it can be somewhat exhausting to be almost constantly in tech. Add to that the fact that I have to travel out of town so much to make a living, despite all the theatre being produced in DC, and it is small wonder I have trouble maintaining a personal life.

I am not complaining, really, just making an observation. I have no delusions about getting rich working in the theatre, but I do sometimes wish that individual gigs paid well enough that I could take fewer of them. Not that I know which ones I would turn down. I am excited about all of the projects i am on, so what is the answer? Maybe i just need to hire an asssistant.

I am babbling, and it is time to go back in the theatre.

Peace.

For Those Of You Wondering....

It is now snowing in Juneau, Alaska.

Quick Upate

Number of bears seen: 0

One member of the cast has now seen four.

I think they are hiding from me.

The Turning Point

Yesterday evening, I was tired and a little bit stressed. I was waiting to meet with P, the director for Twelfth Night, to do a little show and tell of the things we had to work with, and I was anxious about what his reaction would be. I was sitting in the lobby updating some paperwork, and suddenly I wanted to talk to someone. Someone who would listen and understand. But it was far too late to call.

And the person I wanted to call was not S.

Some of you may understand the degree to which the Universe has shifted.

In Other News

I seem to be figuring out my conundrum. The way ahead could be fraught with danger.

Confused?

Me not so much anymore. Now just nervous.

The Week So Far

I have spent the last few days getting all the lights hung, plugged in and tested. I have had a great crew here to help me out, all lined up for me by ECAG. Up until the end of today, I have been a little stressed about getting everything done. One piece of scenery proved to be more complicated than had originally been anticipated, and so I have had to wait for it to be done to move forward on my end of things.

Today we focused the show. As my regular readers know, I usually hate the whole focusing process. It never seems to go fast enough, no matter how good the crew is, and I spend most of the day second guessing the choices I have made. But as I have also been acting as Master Electrician on the show, I have been second guessing those choices for days now.

So the focus went great, the crew moved at a good speed, and I was able to see that what I was planning was indeed going to work. Now we just hope the director likes it. This is my first time working with him Designer to Director, so I have been somewhat nervous about whether he will like what I am doing, and some of my angst this week with the delays is the concern there would be no time to change anything if he looks at it and says, “Yeah, hate that.”

But life here has not been all work and no play. I went on a long hike yesterday with ECAG as we searched for bears. No bear sightings, but we did see the aforementioned porcupine, and some spectacular views on one of the old mine trails above downtown.

It rained for the first three days I was here, and by the end of Thursday I was like, “Why the hell do people live here.” But Friday morning I got up and headed out to the theatre, and the clouds had disappeared and the sun was out and I had that moment of, “Oh yeah, this is why.” Alaska is one of the most beautiful places I have ever been to. I am not nearly articulate enough to describe it, but Friday night, as I stood on the side of a mountain staring at a moon and stars that were closer and more real than any I had seen in my entire life, I saw such beauty that it was painful. You can’t imagine.

It is strange how easily I settle into being here. I really like the theatre, the town and the people. I have made friends here that I would consider visiting even if I were not coming for work. I have been told that part of the Artistic Director’s master plan is to get me to move here, and though I can’t imagine a scenario in which that would happen, a part of me knows there are far worse choices I could make.

I am rambling, and it is time to go to bed.

Peace In yer crease.

Oh yeah, the bonehead who robbed the bank here a few days ago.

Guy signed his name to the note he handed the teller.

Wildlife Sightings:

Eagles: 0
Bears: 0
Porcupines: 1
Drunken Juneau dwellers: Too many to count.

Very annoyed to have not seen any bears yet.

World's Dumbest Criminals

Yesterday, a bank in downtown Juneau was robbed.

Let us pause to consider this while we remember that there is no way to drive in or out of Juneau. And the town only has 32,000 people in it.

Where does this moron think he is going to go?

Juneau, Yet Again

Part 3: Juneau.

On the flight from Seattle to Juneau, I figured out why it is I hate that leg of the trip so much. It is not that it takes five and a half hours, but instead that you have to take off and land three times. I hate to fly because I hate take-off and landing, it scares the hell out of me. By the time the plane touches down at the Juneau airport, I would rather stay there than get on another plane ever again.

My flight got in at 7:15 PM local time (11:15 PM EST). ECAG met me at the airport with the costume designer, A, in tow. We made two quick stops to provision the two apartments the theatre had secured, one of which I would be staying in while I am here. Then we toodled off to the Hangar for some dinner. Fried calamari and a Woodchuck amber. MMMM.

I am still a day behind in my reporting, but I probably won't catch up anytime soon. A very long day tommorrow, and the beginning of tech looming I will try to post at least to say I have not yet been eaten by bears.

My happy thought for the day came early this morning upon checking my cell phone messages.

Peace in yer crease, ya'll.

To Juneau, Yet Again:

Part One: National Airport

It is only 6:30 AM and I am already annoyed.

I left the house at 5:15, having been up all night because first I couldn’t sleep and then, when I could, I was afraid I would oversleep. As I was lugging my bag and suitcase the five blocks to the metro station, one of the wheels on the suitcase (which I borrowed from the Vegetarian) came off. I proceeded to drag it the rest of the way, fairly certain the handle would be snapping off at any moment.

When I arrived at National Airport, I came off the elevator right at the Alaska Airlines check in station. On my three previous trips, I have used the electronic check in to print my boarding passes and enter my frequent flier number, and then dealt with the agents to check my bags. This morning, however, the people behind the counter were determined to help me through the whole process, so I handed over my ID and set the suitcase up on the scale.

“Your bag is over by about five pounds, sir.” Said the rather officious looking gentleman on the other side of the kiosk. “Is there something you can take out and put in your backpack?”

I now understood why it had felt like I was hauling around fifty pounds of dead weight behind me as I made my way to the airport.

“I have an empty box back here if you just want to check two items and distribute the weight.” Added the woman working with Officious Guy.

I started to pull the bag back off so I could figure out what five pound item I could remove and stick in my “backpack” (actually a soft briefcase, but what’s semantics when I am annoyed. Oh yeah, FUCKING EVERYTHING), when OC chimes in, “It’s a twenty five dollars overage fee, sir.”

“Well I don’t have twenty five dollars to give you.” I snapped back, choking down the remainder of my thought “So why don’t you STFU before I take this five pounds and stuff it down your throat.”

“Would you like the box sir?” asked Helpful Lady.

“That would be great.”

I pulled out some jeans, a few shirts and my camera and stuffed them in the box. I hastily filled out the ID tags for the luggage while Helpful Lady taped up my box. I got my boarding pass and headed for security.

I was so flustered by this experience that I forgot to have them do the whole frequent flier thing, so I am hoping I can get that dealt with at the help desk in Seattle. At the end of this trip, I will have flown on Alaska Airlines, since last November, enough miles to circumnavigate the globe. I am hoping to use those miles for free air travel so I can actually take a vacation next year. The bastards better give me my miles.

Part Two: Seattle

12:35 PM Local time. (3:35 EST) Much less annoyed.

The flight was delightfully uneventful. On a mostly full flight I had an empty seat between the woman sitting at the window and myself (I prefer aisle seats when flying), so there wasn’t the cramped sardine feeling one usually gets in coach. I slept for most of the almost five hour flight, waking up only when the beverage and food carts came trundling by.

I was awake long enough to notice the woman’s fabulous shoes and handbag.*

We actually arrived half an hour early in Seattle, so I was able to get my frequent flier miles adjusted. I spent about 45 minutes looking for a T-Mobile wi-fi** connection so I could check my email. In my quest, I discovered parts of the airport I had never seen before, including a series of columns with some very cool mosaic work on them. There is also a program here among the vendors that they will collect money for hurricane relief, and match every dollar donated. For whatever reason, that little bit of human compassion put me in a much better mood.

When I am traveling by myself, which is most of the time, I have found I retreat further into myself than usual. I am not sure why that is. I think it may be because I am somewhat obsessive about travel details, times, places, flight numbers, and I have a hard time feeling relaxed until I have made my last connection to wherever I am going. I probably just need to get my ass stranded somewhere and get over it. Just, not this trip.

Part 3 Tommorrow.

* And yes, I know this is why people think I'm gay. I'm OK with that. Flattered, in fact.

** I signed up for T-Mobile partly because of their nationwide coverage, especially in airports. So I am a little annoyed that their airport coverage seems confined to the first class lounges, especially when you can't swing a dead cat without hitting a Starbucks in Seatac.

I Am Here!

For those of you monitoring this for news of my health, I made it in to Juneau just fine. There are observations to share, but those will have to wait till later.

Peace in yer crease.

So....

It's a quarter of three in the AM, and because of my already whacked out sleep schedule, I am up. I have to leave for the airport in three hours to fly to rainy Juneau, Alaska, where I am designing Twelfth Night for Perseverance Theatre. I will be there for a little under three weeks.

I am excited about the gig, just dreading the 11 and a half hours on a plane it takes to get there.

This trip begins a stint of travel that will also include trips to Minneapolis, MN, to assist on a show for Beverley Emmons, and Lafayette, CA to design a new adaptation of Peter Pan. I have a week at home between each of these trips, but I am doing a show in the week I am back from Alaska, and the week back from Minneapolis is Thanksgiving. So I am effectivly away from home from tommorrow morning until the beginning of December.

It's not that I mind traveling for work, in fact it's one of the things I really love about what I do. But what is disheartening is that I have to travel in order to make a living as a designer in this town. This town, with all of the theatre that is produced here, cannot seem to provide more than a handful of people working as designers with a living wage. I know many actors and directors are in the same boat, but this is my blog, not theirs.

The other somewhat unfortunate thing about leaving now for two months is that I have begun things in my personal life that are now on hold for weeks at a time. And who knows what the situations will be like when I return. Because timing is everything in life.

I guess that is my fault really, for trying to have a personal life while trying to push a career, especially a career in the arts. I had been activly avoiding the whole personal life thing for a while, but sometimes things just move on their own, whether you want them to or not.

All of that movement has caught me off guard, and I am confused on several fronts. But those are tales best told at another time, if they ever are.

You didn't really think I was going to get through a blog post about myself without being cryptic, did you?

The things I am looking forward to in my travels, other than working on the shows:

Hanging out with ECAG in her new hood (that's right, I said hood)

Seeing Perseverance's new TD, a friend of mine from school.

Smoked salmon hash and eggs at the diner.

Hopefully seeing some bears before they go in to hibernate.

Catching up with Speed in Minneapolis.

New placemats from the San Fransisco Museum of Modern Art.

Seeing Brundibar at Brekley Rep.

Next time I post will probably be from Alaska.

Happy Trails

Yes, I Take Too Many Of These, But This Was Just Funny

Male Best Friend You scored 28 despair, 25 relationship potential, 100 feelings, and 100 patience

You're always there, you're nice, you're the shoulder to cry on, you get along just fine, why won't she/he date you? you're the "male best friend" DragonflyBlade21: A woman has a close male friend. This means that he is probably interested in her, which is why he hangs around so much. She sees him strictly as a friend. This always starts out with, you're a great guy, but I don't like you in that way. This is roughly the equivalent for the guy of going to a job interview and the company saying, You have a great resume, you have all the qualifications we are looking for, but we're not going to hire you. We will, however, use your resume as the basis for comparison for all other applicants. But, we're going to hire somebody who is far less qualified and is probably an alcoholic. And if he doesn't work out, we'll hire somebody else, but still not you. In fact, we will never hire you. But we will call you from time to time to complain about the person that we hired.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 24% on despair You scored higher than 0% on potential You scored higher than 57% on feelings You scored higher than 48% on patience

Link: The Why Are You Single Test written by luminiscent on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

At Last, My Evil Genius Is Recognized! Bwaa Ha Haa!

TEH EBILEST You scored 79% Evil, 75% Violent, and 83 %Heartless!

You are so Evil, Cruel, and Heartless you are BEYOND evil overlord. Even the Evilest of evil overlords looks up to you and strives to be just like you. You are the definition of Evil Overlord and your picture should be right there beside the description in the dictionary. Now go out, gather your army, and lead them to destroy ALL!

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 80% on Evil You scored higher than 80% on Violent You scored higher than 80% on Heartless

Link: The Are you and Evil Overlord Test written by iirimarauko on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

More Mail For W.

Mr. President,

I am responding to an article in The Washington Post detailing the Senate's adoption of new limits on interrogation of detainees being held in US custody. In the article, it is reported that members of your administration, including the Vice President, had put pressure on Senate Republicans to prevent the restrictions, and that you are now threatening to veto the bill.

How is it that you and your administration do not know that the humane treatment of prisoners is the ONLY morally acceptable choice.

Mistreatment, either physical or psychological, is wrong. Under any circumstances. Just wrong. Period.

That you do not know that is just further proof of you unfitness to lead this nation.

Mr. President, I call once again for the resignation of you and your entire administration. You do not represent the leadership, political or moral, that we as a people expect of our President.

The Other Good Thing About Last Night

I got to hang out with the cast after the show, as well as Lucky Spinster and her Gentleman Caller.

Glad to see my Big Blog Sister happy.

Return To The Scene Of The Crime

I rarely see a show I have worked on after it has opened. I am generally too busy with other work anyways, and I find it difficult to look at my own work after I can't fix it any more. The few times I have been back to see my work, I can only see what isn't right, what I missed, or what isn't being done right by either the actors or the board-op/ stage manager.

So imagine my surprise when I went back to see Upshot last night over at Church Street Theatre. I knew they had been having really small houses, despite the great press the show has been getting, and I wanted to at least show my support for the incredible cast.

The show really held together, the cues (and the actors) were all in the right places, and I didn't see a thing that, given the same resources, I would change. I think it is some of the best work I have ever done, and it was a relief to see myself growing and moving forward as an artist.

If you haven't seen it, it is running through next weekend, and is well worth the trip. And not just for my work, but for the amazing work of all three cast members.

My Second Happy Thought For The Day

From Robert Fulghum's website:

"I believe that imagination is stronger than knowledge -
That myth is more potent than history,
I believe that dreams are more powerful than facts -
That hope always triumphs over experience -
That laughter is the only cure for grief.
And I believe that love is stronger than death."

As for my first happy thought, that is a secret.

Synchronicity

Yes, I probably spelled the title wrong.

One of the things I love about this whole blog phenomenon, is even though I will probably never meet most of the people whose blogs I read, I seem to share a remarkable similarity with people regarding what we all hope, dream and fear.

I just read this post over at Waiter Rant. He reflects on the demons haunting him; fear of spending his life alone; wondering if his life has any meaning aside from mere existence. I know I wrestle with those same issues, and write about them on this blog ( although certainly with much less elegance*), and I see these same sentiments reflected in the blogs of others.

So the lesson is we are all in the same boat. We all want to live a peaceful life, have someone who loves us, and have an impact on the world beyond ourselves.

And for those of you who doubt that is the life you are living, I offer this old Suffi tale.

There was a man who lived a good life. The gods wanted to reward him for this and told the man they would grant him one wish. The man thought about it and then replied, "I would like to go through the world doing good for others and not know it."

The gods thought this was such a good idea, they granted this wish to everyone.

You have no idea the good you do in the world. Just try to give more positive energy than negative, and I promise it makes a difference. Even if it's just the comfort of knowing that someone else understands the way you feel.

Peace In Yer Crease.

* I am not fishing here. I long ago accepted that I was not good at everything I did. I am just fortunate to be good at the things I truly love.

I Worry About Myself Sometimes

I just got my latest I-tunes reciept, and noticed I purchased "I Will Always Love You". Yes, the Whitney Houston version. And I love the song.

It is not the most embarassing thing in the ole music collection, though. God willing, nothing will ever push out Kylie Minogue's Fever CD from that category.

What's the most embaressing thing in your music collection?

Shameless Plug

Print out this post to get $5 off the ticket price.

The World Premiere of

UpShot
by Ami Dayan

A darkly comedic story about a playwright who struggles to create a show about Earth’s last surviving human being. Things go ballistic when the “character” declares war on his creator’s world! A play about the power of creation in the face of destruction.

“To say Upshot is one cool piece of theatre would be accurate, but that statement alone would not do it justice... Unique ideas and presentation make Upstart a production you should include in your fall theatre plans.... more than worth a visit.”
--DC Theatre Reviews (www.dctheatrereviews.com)


“... the series of battles that ensue is heady fodder for the sort of viewer who wants to debate God vs. man, man vs. woman, art vs. life over a post-show espresso.”
--City Paper


“Forum Theatre-Dance, is continuing to present some fascinating experimental drama with their current Upshot... one hopes that the word gets around quickly to assure a successful run for this dynamic company. ”

“Shirley Serotsky shows the finest direction in her career...”
--AllArtsReview4U.com

October 6th – October 16th, 2005
Thursdays-Saturdays at 8pm / Sundays at 2pm

@ The Church Street Theater
1742 Church Street NW, Washington DC
Between 17th & 18th and Q & P Streets, N.W.
2 blocks from the Dupont Circle Metro Stop (Red Line)

director · Shirley Serotsky
featuring · Scott Graham, Jason Lott & Adrienne Nelson
designers · David C. Ghatan, Klyph Stanford, Michael Dove, Kenneth Gilbert, Austin Bragg, Benjamin Flaherty
stage management · Katie Clemmons
producers · Brent Lowder and Michael Dove

What Do You Know

Obi-Wan Kenobi You scored 78% wisdom, 33% aggression, 51% power, and 81% morality!

You are one of the wisest Jedi of them all, and have had a very eventful career full of failures and successes. You are a skilled fighter, having defeated many powerful opponents in your time. You are not overly aggressive, though. You are more reserved and collected. Your sense of morality is without question, and you are a model Jedi.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 58% on wisdom You scored higher than 22% on aggression You scored higher than 6% on power You scored higher than 66% on morality

Link: The Famous Jedi or Sith Test written by SarumantheMad on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Ups And Downs

I am not allowed to blog about it, but I had a really great time yesterday evening.

So that is the up.

The downs: S and I don't seem to have gotten past our big fight from last week. The conversations now are short, strained, and not about anything real. She is planning to return to New Orleans next week, and I am hoping that will make things better, as she gets back to the life that has been on hold since Katrina hit.

I am not sure I will get to see her before she leaves, and I must admit to being bothered by the fact that she has made no effort to come down from Frederick to see me. I have made the trip up there once, but she has been in the area since before the hurricane hit, and you would think she could find some way to get down here.

Of course I feel extremely selfish even expressing that thought. And I suppose I am.

The other down I can't even write about.

Well, maybe I can. I am wondering if someone has just disappeared from my life. And if they have, why.

Why I Am An Atheist

I have been trying to express this for a while now, and while it is not all there yet, I would like some feedback on this. A Warning: If you are deeply religious, you may find this somewhat offensive. It is not my intention to offend, but to illustrate my issues with religous ideas, and hopefully start a productive dialouge.

Here is my problem with the common Christian notion of God. We have this omnipotent being, who created mankind in his own image, endowed him with free will, and then cast him out of paradise for committing the sin of disobedience.

So we have this god who sits in judgment over his creation. Yet he sends his only son to die for their sins, because they are incapable of being worthy of salvation, of being morally perfect.

Let’s pause to consider this. God judges us, holds us to a standard we are incapable of obtaining because we were made imperfect. We were made imperfect by the same god who now measures our transgressions against him.

Say I build a clock. I choose the materials and craft it with my own hands. And say that clock fails to keep time, to behave in the way I expect it to. Do I have a right to be mad at the clock for it’s failure to meet my expectations, or should I instead be angry with the clock maker, i.e. me?

If we are truly incapable of achieving the moral perfection demanded by the Christian’s god, and need some outside savior, Jesus, to redeem us in the eyes of that god, then what is the fucking point of this entire exercise we call human existence? And if we needed this intermediary to obtain salvation, why did god wait so long to send him? Even if we accept the crackpot notion that the world is only a little over 5,000 years old, we have 3000 years of human existence before he got around to sending this savior, this “symbol of his unconditional love”. Am I the only one who thinks that’s a long time for people created by this supposed loving god to wait for their only chance of salvation?

This idea that god loves the world unconditionally also drives me nuts. If god truly loved his creations, we wouldn’t need a savior at all. The word “unconditional” means without prerequisites. I shouldn’t need to believe Jesus was the son of god to be saved, especially when I have been created to need salvation in the first place.

What do we need this god for, this god who judges us for failing to meet expectations we are incapable of living up to, because of the way he made us?

Some would argue that we have the capacity within ourselves to achieve this moral perfection, all we need is our discipline, our intellect, our introspection, and our reason. That mankind has within itself the means to this perfection, to redeem itself, as it were, I don’t argue. I believe it wholeheartedly. But if this is true, if we do have within ourselves the means to salvation, then what do we need god for?

And if god is operating under the clock worker model, building the world, winding it up and then leaving it to operate by itself, I question the need for god. If he is not willing to accept responsibility for the colossal fuck-up that is the human condition, then we certainly don’t need him.

Some would say the world was made perfectly, and mankind is what fucked it up. To that I would counter that the human race is not somehow magically separate from the rest of the world. We exist in it, and so if there is a god, he is responsible for what we have done to it.

I would like to believe there is a god, so I could confront him with the complete debacle he has created. And this is why I cannot accept the notion of a loving creator god. If there were such a god, empathy would be an innate human trait, not one that has to be learned.

There was an episode of Star Trek where one of the crew members died, and Data questioned Riker about why people had been more upset by Tasha Yar’s death than by the death of this crew member not many people had known. Riker responded “If we all felt the loss of those we don’t know as keenly as the loss of those we do, the history of humankind would have been entirely different."

Amen Brother.

Just Found This

A blog written by a US Serviceman stationed in Iraq. It makes for some interesting reading.

A Moment Of Silence

For the passing of playwright August Wilson.

How Correct (And Depressing) Is This?

I found this link at Love Is A Cunt

Do's and Don'ts of Cultivating and Maintaining a Platonic Friendship with a Woman You Would Otherwise Want To Have a Relationship With and Quite Possibly Marry.

Those of you who have ever been in this situation will get it.

How In The World...

Did it get to be October 1st?

Just yesterday it was March.

Flipping The Coin

Remember the movie Bandits with Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton? I cannot remember the name of the woman who played the female lead, but in the movie her character falls for both Willis and Thornton’s characters. Unable to choose, she decides to try to be with both of them. We feel sorry for her because she is caught in an impossible situation, having to make an impossible choice.

Now, reverse that. Imagine it is a man torn between two women. You would never be able to make that a successful mainstream film. Everyone would tear it apart as a tale of a commitment phobic, double dealing asshole. Someone who wants to have his cake and eat it too.

Why is that? Why can we believe a woman can be torn equally between two men, but not the reverse? Do we really find it that impossible to fathom?

Is it possible, for either sex to have equal feelings about two different people at the same time?

I would love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation, and how, or if, it was resolved.

MMM… Insomnia

Thursday night I had a huge fight with my best friend. We don’t do that very often, and even though we smoothed things over yesterday, I was still emotionally overwrought. I went to bed at 11:00 PM, exhausted. I woke at 3:00 AM. I have been up ever since.

I have had bouts of insomnia for most of my adult life. They seem to be worse when I am A) single, and B) working from home/ studio. When I get like this, I try not to just lay in bed trying to sleep. I usually get up and do something, and I sometimes even manage to tire myself out so I can get back to sleep.

This is not turning out to be one of those times.

So while I am up, a few things I have been thinking about:

I am trying to articulate my position on the notion of god, and am having a great deal of difficulty getting it out in some way that makes sense.

I have been trying to improve my writing, because it bothers me I am not better able to communicate my thoughts.

I have come to realize I have been hiding behind my emotional intimacy with S. She is the person I have been sharing my mental and emotional inner life with for so long that I don’t feel the need to find someone else who I can share it with. For all my bitching about my loneliness, I am the one who has been standing in the way of finding someone to be with.

The above is a long winded way of saying I have figured out I am ready to be in a relationship again.

A few have commented about my cryptic-ness in the last couple of posts. Yeah, sorry bout that. Too many people I know read this thing.

No one should read anything into the above statement. I am just trying to keep a private thought private.

By the end of next week, I should have my website up and running. With pictures and everything. Stay tuned.

I have been thinking about doing the adspace thing here on the old blog. Has anyone else done this and what has been your experience?

I occasionally pose questions about relationships here at The Lighting Designer’s Life. By some of your responses, it seems some think these questions pertain to me directly. Rarely is that the case. I am something of a relationship philosopher, and so ask these questions to see what people think about different issues/ ideas. I am not trying to draw value judgments on people’s ideas, I just want to know what people think.

As a companion to that thought, my posts, particularly those with a more negative slant, are almost never the only way I think about a certain situation. I express the more negative aspects of my thoughts here so that I am not venting them in a non-productive way. So if you are reading this, and believe you see yourself in what I have to say, please don’t take it personally. It is just one side of how I feel about something.

So Much For The Clarity

And that is all I will say about that.

Confused?

Me too.

My Conundrum...

Is more murky and clearer all at the same time.

Love that.

Really.

And Sometimes I Am A Forgetful Asshole

After my post of yesterday, I would be remiss if I didn't say what an absolute delight all three cast members were to work with.

So Thanx, guys.

The Gods Are Still Chortling

And that’s all I have to say on that.

Some of you may understand.

It Was The Best Of Times, It Was The Worst Of Times

One of the best things about working in the theatre, is no matter how bad the production process may be, no matter how much you may want to choke the life out of the actors/ director/ choreographer/ costume designer, the show opens, and you can move on to the next project.

One of the worst things about working in the theatre is no matter how good the experience is, it always opens and you must move on to the next project.

I have been having an even mixture of both over the past week and a half. There have been issues with other technical elements on the production, which have caused a lot of stress for the director and myself. But despite that, I have had a wonderful time working with the director, and more recently the playwright. While I am glad to have the production angst over, I am sorry to not have regular contact with some of the people involved.

I frequently go through a bout of post show depression. I am experiencing that right now.

In addition, it seems that my life going so well has tipped the balance and so most of the people I am close to are experiencing horrilble personal traumas. S is still waiting to find out when she can return home to New Orleans, and trying to figure out if there is going to be a life to return to. I have another friend having female related health issues. Another friend's husband abandoned her in June, telling her he "just didn't want to have to think about her when planning his life"*. Two others are contemplating whether they should disolve their current relationships.

It's very hard for me to watch people I care for suffering. I want to mount my white steed, charge in and fix the problem. But of course I can't, and so all I can do is listen, and say "I'm sorry." It doesn't feel like enough. I would like to say to them it's going to be OK, but as much as I don't like to admit it, I am not god, and so have no way to keep that promise.

On to happier topics.

I have been forbidden to blog about it, but I had a very nice time yesterday evening.


*BL, one of the Multi-State, Girlie-Advising Posse, is one of the warmest, most giving, smart, funny and sexy women I have ever known. She is a truley good human being, and after talking with her on the phone, I wanted to take a baseball bat to her ex husband for the way he has treated her.

And After That Last Post, This Is Somewhat Suprising

Above Average You scored 60 Fuckability!

We might have some fun together, or not. At least you have a better chance with me then the next guy.

This test tracked 1 variable. How the score compared to the other people's: Higher than 60% on Fuckability

Link: The How Fuckable Are You Test written by sadkeylimepie on Ok Cupid

We Have Long Suspected This

Woman!! You scored 20 manliness!

A real guy would score at least 100 on this test. In fact, a real guy would score at least 150, because he would get the special 50-point bonus for knowing the joke about the guy who has Alzheimer's disease and cancer. But you... are not that guy.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 12% on manliness

Link: The Are You a Real Man Test written by Falkdoctaspot on OkCupid Free Online Dating

Note To Self

Don't go 26 hours without eating.

It gives you a migraine and makes you very cranky.

Am I Exuding Phermones...

Or do I just look that bad?

In the past two weeks, three different men have passed me on the street, given me long, meaningful stares, and then made a comment that has been some variation on "Wow."

I must admit I find myself mystified.

Word Verification

I finally got around to turning on word verification for comments. Hopefully my loyal readers/ responders will continue to offer me their whining drivel, er, I mean pithy and searing insights.

That last part was a joke, BTW.

Monday Morning At The Office

I had to get up early this morning to run some errands this morning before I head to load-in at the Kennedy Center. In plotting out my route this morning, I decided to go to a different branch of my office (Starbucks) than I usually visit to do my online business.

I am now awash in corporate/ government America, a much different breed than the crowd that tend to frequent my local office. While I certainly experience this phenomenon to a certain extent at my usual haunt, it is stunning to me how many of these people behave as if they were the most important person in the universe.

There is a longer rant here, but my heart is not really in it. The truth is, I am happy. And so, though there are negative things going on around me, I cannot focus on them.

I am finally living the life I am supposed to. When you are doing that, it is amazing how much other stuff doesn't bother you.

The show I am cuurently working on for Forum Theatre and Dance, Upshot, is having some technical difficulties related to the use of projections, but I feel good about my work, and I love working with the director, City Mouse. The next day or so may be a little rocky. One of our cast has been in another show, so we have not had the whole cast onstage at the same time in five days. We have had to tech in bits and pieces which has been a little frustrating. Still, the cast has been very positive and upbeat, and I think once we get through the next day or so, we are going to have a really good show.

For those of you wondering about the other things in my life, I am afraid you are just going to have to keep wondering. At least for a while.

Peace in yer crease, yall.

My Brain Is Mush

But we have the beginnings of a show.

The cast have been wonderfully patient with an extremely tech heavy show, and their good spirits have been a godsend this week.

Brain oozing out of ear now, but more later.

A Skip In My Step

On my way home from rehearsal last night, I stopped outside Starbucks to check my email.

I walked home with a bigger grin on my face than I have had in a long time.

One Of The Great Things About Blogging

Sometimes the act of writing down a complaint in a public forum is that it actually goads you into doing something about it.

Contact has been made.

And now we wait.

I Am Such A Wanker

From yesterday's post, I got the contact info for the person I had been thinking about asking out. And now I am too nervous to actually use it.

And this is why I am still single, I guess.

That Last Post...

...was a hint. You know who you are.

Do We Think This Is A Sign?

The day after I decided to end my dating boycott, the site I have a personals profile on, The Onion, went to a pay site.

And the one person I was thinking of asking out I have no way to contact.

It was easier in the cave.

Leap And The Net Will Appear: A Testimonial

At 3:00 PM on Friday, I ended my summer day job.

I am now totally self employed, living the life of a freelance designer.

A part of me is scared shitless.

But the larger part of me is happier than I have ever been in my life. It has taken me a long time to get here. I had to go through a false start in college, a failed marriage and the loss of many of my dearest friends to reach this point, but I am finally living the life I am supposed to live.

Of course many would say the life I am supposed to live is one of seeking security, securing a good paying job with benefits. Owning a home and settling down with someone. But I tried all that (except the home ownership thing), and what the universe kept whispering to me, though I refused to listen for a long time, was that I had to feed my soul.

I believe to be truly happy, you have to do what you are. Unfortunetly for some, doing what you are goes in direct contradiction to what our culture says is a reasonable pursuit. Most people in the arts face low wages, lack of health insurance and other benefits, difficulty finding a partner who understands the needs of our profession*, and a society at large that often questions whether what we do is worthwhile. Well meaning friends and family members often harp upon these issues.

So it is easy to doubt. I did it for a long time. I lived a half life existence where I tried to maintain a standard of material comfort for myself and my exwife, and pursue my tue passion in my spare time. And I found this half involvement in the arts even more frustrating.

But finally, I could no longer deny who I was. And I started on a path.

Or, more acurately, I began to leap.

And the net appeared.

I decided to return to school to finish my degree at North Carolina School of the Arts. I applied and was accepted, but was unable to come up with the tution. I was talking about it with my father, and he said "send me the bill and I will pay it." He payed over $30,000 in tuition over the next two years while I fininshed my BFA. The net appeared.

In March of last year, while graduation was approaching and I was trying to figure out how I would be able to afford moving and restarting a stalled career, I got a call from a friend who was the general manager of the rigging company I used to work for. She offered me three months of work for the summer, which allowed me to get back on my feet in the community I wanted to work in. The net appeared.

Three weeks ago, while I was trying to figure out how long I was going to have to keep working the day job, I got three work offers that have let me go back to being a freelance artist. The net appeared.

If you can let go of your fear, have a little faith, and boldly pursue the life you know in your soul you are supposed to be living, you will be surprised at the ways in which the universe will open the path before you.

Leap, and the net will appear.

It really does work.

Return To The Insanity

I have now officially ended my dating boycott.

It's Time To Face It

George Bush is quite possibly the worst leader in the history of the US Presidency. The man has completely bungled every crisis the US has faced.

Supporters of the Presidential Imbecile point out that W cut short his vacation to come back to Washington and deal with the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina.

W is, as part of his job, Commander In Chief of the nations armed forces. As we are at war in two different countries, one is left wondering,

WHAT THE FUCK IS THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF DOING ON VACATION?!?!?!?!

Are any of the officers or enlisted men currently stationed in Iraq allowed to go on vacation? I don't think so.

The hurricane struck last monday. Why did he wait untiil Wednesday to return to Washington?

When is the nation going top wise up and realise this man is leading s down the road to ruin?

And we are paying a premium at the gas pump while we do it.

But that is a rant for another time.

Only Five More Days

I have only five more working days on which I have to get up at 4:30 AM.

Woo Hoo!

Will Work For Work

I am going to try to set up a network to help people displaced by the Hurricane find temporary work. Most of the people I know who are coming into this area are coming from service industries, so if you know someone who owns a restaurant or bar that might be able to employ some temporary help, please let me know.

I will be investigating putting this info into it's own space, so people can post or view listings directly.

Only A Few Moments Here

But I wanted to post a bit about the hurricane and it's aftermath.

First, special thanks to all who have called or emailed your concerns about S.

She is safely in Maryland, staying at her mother's house. She is frantic about friends from NO, and whether or not she has a home or job to return to, but otherwise she is fine.

Times like these test faith, even the faith in Atheism. I sometimes wonder if these sorts of things happen to allow humanity to redeem itself by reaching out to their fellow mankind with compassion.

The fucking morons who are shooting at ambulances attempting to evacuate hospitals in New Orleans, are failing this test miserably.

The National Gaurd is on it's way (and would have been there before now had most of them not been on active duty in Iraq!), and an already tragic situation is about to turn bloody.

Please donate what you can to the American Red cross, and designate the money for hurricane relief. This situation is going to strain relief agencies to degrees we cannot imagine.

Peace

Mastercard Moment

Plane Ticket: $372.00

Dinner Out: $160.00

Not worrying about your best friend because she is visiting you instead of being at home in New Orleans:

Priceless.

Random Thursday Musings

I started blogging because I was spending way too much time by myself, and consequently, waaaay too much time in my own head. I was making myself nuts and decided I needed to share the wealth.

I have been in California for a week now, and spent a great deal of time since the weekend on my own. Thus, lots of thinking. I haven't posted in a few days because my thoughts at the moment have been racing too far ahead of my ability to type. But I have decided it is time to get back out of my head.

Stuff I have been thinking about:

I read Nick Hornby's High Fidelity the other day. In the book, Rob, the main character, states that it is not possible to contemplate ending a relationship unless there is the possibility of someone else. I am not sure that is entirely off base. Although I have never left someone for someone else, I have never ended a relationship where there wasn't at least the possibility of pursuing someone else. But I suppose there is always that possiblity. What prevents the possibility of dating someone else is the person you are currently dating.*

So what do you think, gentle readers? Have you ever ended it with someone without the possibility of something else?

I am especially curious to see whether women's experiences with this are different than men's.

Other things I have been thinking about.

The best parts of being single are also the worst parts of being single. It just depends on your outlook and where you are in your life at the time. The same is true for being in a relationship.

I think I may be ready to end my dating boycott (being agressively single, as I call it). Of course, I will be spending about half of the next three months out of town.

I- Tunes Rocks. I am now lusting after an I- Pod.

I need a plan for Thanksgiving that does not involve my immediate family.

The show I am doing here is a really good script. I am hoping it will have a lfie after this run.

The show is also essentially done from my end. I am ready to be back home.

I have been less than dilligent about reading blogs this past week or so. Sorry to all my blog siblings. Sometimes you just need to be on your own for a bit.

*I don't mean this nearly as crappy as it sounds.

Theatre In The Nam

The email traffic went something like this.

E: "I have this show I'm working on. You interested?"

LD: "Of course."

E: "Great. I'll have the AD get in touch with you about contract and stuff."

Months go by.

LD: "Still have not recieved a contract (or, for that matter the second act). Whose cage do I need to rattle?"

E: "I will get on them about that."

Weeks go by. I get the second act, but no contract. Also no scenery groundplan, section, or lighting inventory.

LD: "Still no contract. Somewhat nervous about getting on a plane at this point."

E: "I will talk to their production manager."

Finally get a contract. I get on a plane and fly to California.

I arrive at the theatre and venture into the house just in time to unplug an extension cable that has a connector in the process of melting. The cause: far too many flood light fixtures plugged into it, drawing more power than the cable and connector are rated for.

The staff technical director does not even know the names of the lighting units in the theatre's inventory, let alone know how they are used or know better than to plug four 1000 watt worklight fixtures into one cable.

The theatre, like many converted spaces, has lighting positions and circuits in all the wrong places. It is a proscenium house with a solid ceiling over the stage.

I began hanging lights yesterday morning. I lost the stage to the actors for eight hours, and resumed hanging around 9:30 PM. I was there until 3:30 this morning. I went to my accomodations ( the Artistic Director's mother's house) and sleot for four hours, then returned for tech rehearsal this morning.

We ran the show this afternoon, and by some minor miracle the thing held together. I have a fair amount of tweaking and poking still to do, but we are not nearly as badly off as I was afraid we would be. The show should be in really great shape by the time we get to previews.

Off to collapse. ECAG has tagged me with a meme, but I am afraid it will have to wait for a few days.

Peace in yer crease.

Not So Much Beauty On The Walls, Though

There is an apalling amount of truly bad art hung on the walls in restaurants and cafes here in Lafayette.

I guess if you have beautiful people to look at you don't care about ugly art.

Me, I'd rather have beautiful art. Let's face it, human beauty fades.*


*And here again I am talking strictly about physical beauty.

I Am Probably Asking For Trouble Here

There seems to be a disproportionate number of stunningly, achingly beautiful* women here in Northern California.

I wonder why that is?

* I am talking about physical beauty of course. And before I get flamed about inner beauty vs outer beauty, I would like to say my admiration for physical beauty is simiar to my admiration for the houses of Frank Loyd Wright. Pretty to look at, but Iwould want to examine one closely before living in one, since most of his houses have perpetually leaking roofs.

Greetings From Sunny California

I arrived yesterday in Lafayette, CA.

I am here to design lighting for Love Lafayette, a new play written by the Artistic Director of Town Hall Theatre. My friend E is directing, which is how I ended up out here. The space is quirky, as are some of the staff, but everyone here is friendly.

And the weather here is sunny, breezy, and Not The Least Bit Humid.

I may never leave.

Do You Board The Titanic If Even You Can See The Iceberg?

I dated the Vegitarian for about three months. When we started seeing each other, the subject of kids came up. She works with kids, and very much looks forward to being a mother. And I think she will make an excellent one.

I would rather have a root canal minus anesthetic than be a parent. I don't want kids. Quite frankly, I don't understand the procreative urge at all.

I told the Vegiterian this (maybe not in such blunt terms), and we had a breif pause while she considered whether or not she wanted to continue seeing each other. We did keep dating, but it was obvious (to me at least) that we would end up going our seperate ways.

So I would ask my readers this. Do you launch into a relationship with someone even though you know you have an issue you are completly incompatable on?

Things Not To Do In Haste

Post half assed comments you will later have to explain.

The explanation: I have no interest in being a director. I am not so self deluded to think I would be any good at at. My interest in studying directing is about the desire to grow as a designer.

I attended a very good school for design. Although there are some graduate design programs that would assist me from a career standpoint, there are not any that would not be in some way redundant to my undergrad. Not saying I have nothing else to learn as a designer, far from it. But I feel as if I am at a level of development that the continued growth will be through doing it, and I am at a point where people will pay me to design, vs my paying someone else for the privilige.*

I want to study directing to better understand the process from that standpoint. To gain some new insight into text analysis, and to get a better grounding in some performance styles that place the actor at the center of the theatrical experience, as opposed to the playwright.

I think I offended someone whom I enjoy working with immensley, and who is very dear to me personally, by my post about grad school. So, I hope they will accept this mea culpa.


*Wow, could that paragraph have sounded any more arrogant?

Have I Lost My Mind?

I am giving serious consideration to going to graduate school.

For Directing.

Your thoughts, gentle readers?

An Apology

Life is somewhat crazy at the moment.

• I have three motorized electrics I am installing in a high school north of Columbia, and the machinery is brand new (we are installing serial numbers 4, 5, and 6), so we are discovering some things as we go along. We are also working ten hour days to get the project done by the completion date.
• I am preparing to go to California next week to design Love Lafayette for Town Hall Theatre
• I am working on Upshot for Forum Theatre, which opens next month.
• I am trying to send out portfolio material to several theatres to try and line up work for the fall.
• I am in the process of repainting my apartment.

So what is the point of al this whining? Just to say posting on the ol blog may be somewhat spotty between now and labor day weekend.

Peace in yer crease, yall.

What I Like About Country Music

One of my co-workers, a redneck islamic from the island of Trinidad (I shit you not*), listens to country music at work, and so, the rest of us have begun to do so as well.

What I love about country music is that you can get away with writing lyrics they would crucify you for if it was a pop song. Drinking to excess, suicide, lynching people, sleeping with teenage girls. It's all out there in the open on counrty radio.

One song actually has a lyric; "He put the bottle to his head and pulled the trigger."

Try writing that for top fourty radio.

And of course, my new favorite song is country. "My Give A Damn's Busted"


*What the hell does this saying even mean?

More Happy News

When I get back from California at the end of the month, there will be an S waiting for me. She is coming up from New Orleans for a few days.

I am so happy I could shout.

The Happy News

I have two weeks of work in November, assisting Beverley Emmons at Children's Theatre Co in Minneapolis, MN.

As a bonus, I will get to see an old friend from college (the first time around) while I am there.

Can anyone reccommend...

something fluffy and light-hearted to read, preferably not chic lit? Everything I read lately, be it the newspaper or magazine article, just pisses me off.

I read this evening an article about a southern gospel singer who was outed by a blackmailer. His record label dropped him, as did his promoter. He has recieved hate mail, email and telephone calls, all by supposed christians, and he still believes his attraction to other men is an abomination to god.

Who the fuck are these people?

I have a lot more to say on this subject, and the question of religion alltogether, but it will have to wait until my blood pressure lowers. I will confine myself to saying that if these people's god does not accept with love all those beings he has created, then we don't need that god.

Clearly, I need to read something happy.

Anyone have some Winnie the Pooh I can borrow?

What I Did Not Accomplish This Evening

Getting over to Washington Shakespeare Company's reading of the Scottish play*, which my blog big sister, Lucky Spinster, is in.

Sorry Sis.

I know, I know. This makes two in a row.


* Macbeth

Mr Crankypants

A number of my readers have recently pointed out to me that I seem to be somewhat "crotchety" lately, and I guess I am. I seem to walk around irrationally pissed off most of the day. I really am not sure why, but I suppose I could hazard a few guesses.

It's hotter than balls out again. And I will be working all day tommorrow in a shop with no AC.

One of my colleagues on the show I am designing in February seems hell bent on not supplying me with the drawings I need to do my work.

I have not been sleeping well, probably because of the heat.

I still have not recieved a contract for the show I am flying to California for in two weeks.

We are being hammered on to finish a project at my job. Normally fine except the manufacturer of the equipment we are installing has shipped everything late.

Have I mentioned it is hotter than balls out. No AC in my apartment either.

I am having trouble finding work for the Fall.

Newt Gingrich is considering a run for President in 2008.

There is no viable democratic candidate for 2008.

Once again, hotter than balls out.

Things I am actually happy about.

The show I am doing in September is really cool, and I love working with the woman directing it (and not just because she reads this blog).

I have a gig assisting D in January.

And, I think I may have found someone worth dropping my dating boycott for.*


*Although I am probably, as usual, misreading the signs.