I find I don't miss it. I don't miss the piss poor pay, I don't miss the process and I don't miss the politics.
What I do miss are some of the people. There are a number of colleagues who have become close friends, but with whom my main social interaction was through working on shows together. I have not been nearly good enough about bridging that gap to make those wonderful folk a regular part of my life and I must be better about that.
I have been amazed and overwhelmed by how so many people have been supportive of my decision to shift my artistic focus. Even people I do not know very well have expressed admiration at my willingness and desire to do something different with my time here on earth.
I have also appreciated the encounters I have had with people in the business who have no idea I have left it. It proves what I thought, that the American theatre would not feel bereft at my departure. And lest you think I am fishing for a compliment or indulging in self pity*, let me be plain. I like that no one in theatre has ben clamoring for my return because then I don't have to face the decision about whether or not to do so. Under these circumstances it is in fact a relief to not be missed.
In this intervening year I have continued to try and work towards my goal of working as a studio artist, despite frequent frustrations with how the visions in my head are at the moment beyond my technical abilities to express. I keep chipping away at it and I do see progress.
Interestingly, the desire to make painting the sole source of my income has not been a driving factor in my pursuit of the art form, at least not at the same level as when I was working as a theatrical designer. I am not really sure what, if anything, that means. Sure I would like for people to like my work enough to purchase it, and I have no intention of selling my work for less than other artists are selling their work of comparable size/ medium/ style/etc. But for the moment at least, my main motivation behind the idea of possibly selling my work is to make room in the studio so that I can paint more canvases.
So although I won't say definitively that I am done with theatre forever; for the right script and the right group of collaborators and for a company with the resources to do a show well I would certainly be interested in coming onboard for a project**; I am for the moment perfectly content to sit back and revel and celebrate my friends efforts in the creation of the theatrical art. I continue to love the theatre, and it is great fun to sit and watch a show with absolutely nothing personally at stake.
I say "Farewell" to the business of show with no regrets. I am excited by this new adventure I am on.
Peace in yer crease.
* A failing I am often guilty of, I will readily admit***
** But let's face it, good script, good collaborators and a company with the resources to do it well are sort of the Unicorn Who Farts Glitter
*** The self pity part, I try really hard to avoid that whole "Fishing for compliments" thing.
