Home Again

There was no plane crash. I made it back home safely. I even managed to be in bed by 2:00 AM. I proceeded to sleep for twelve hours. So much for the productive day I had planned.

I got home to a package from S, which contained Christmas presents. So I put on The Muppets Christmas CD and opened the following:

1. A feather boa. Not sure what is being said there.
2. A new scarf to replace the one I lost in Juneau back in October. This makes two scarves I have been given in the past week.
3. A T-shirt that says "Make Levees, Not War."
4. A Carmen (you know, the opera by Bizet) finger puppet theatre, wrapped in Devil Ducky paper.

Thanks, dear. Now I feel like I have had a Christmas*.

*Yes, I know I am an atheist, but I love the season, and the idea that surrounds Christmas. Peace on Earth goodwill to all. Who can't stand behind that?

Number Eleven

"But I could swear by your expression that the pain down in your soul,
was the same, as the one down in mine."

Hedwig and The Angry Inch

If You Here Of A Jet Crash On Thursday, It's Probably Me*

On Monday, a baggage worker smacked into an Alaska Airlines jet with one of those conveyor belt thingys at Seattle Tacoma International Airport. He told no one of this, and later, at 26,000 feet (that's almost five miles above the surfave of the earth) a one foot hole opened in the fuselage of the plane, causing the loss of cabin pressure and an emergency landing.

I saw a brief mention of this on CNN, and when I Googled it, found a disturbing amount of incidents involving Alaska Airlines, including a plane crash into the Pacific Ocean that killed 88 people in February of 2000.

Can we guess which airline I am flying on Thursday?

This Fall has been a string of increasingly distressing incidents while flying, and I am beginning to wonder if someone is trying to send me a message. A message like "Stop flying, you fucking idiot."

And because I belive if there is a god, he has a sick sense of humour, and because timing is everything in life, it would be make sense I would die in a plane crash on my way home this time.

I am actually terrified of getting on that plane tomorrow.

* I wonder how many bells are sounding at the NSA** right now as this post is published***.

** NSA: National Security Agency. You know, the folks that have been monitoring our phone calls and emails since 9-11.

*** If you are at the NSA reading this, my wondering about plane crashes is not an indication of nefarious ... (waiting while you get a dictionary)... intent, just an indication of my increasing fatalism.

Happy Holidays

I was going to write this post filled with self-pity about how much it sucks spending most of Christmas alone in a hotel room thousands of miles away from friends and family, but then I read this. Seems the desire to do something nice for someone else, without reciprocation, does still exist in the world.

I hope all of you have a safe and joyous holiday season.

Are We The Least Bit Surprised By This?

Frodo You scored 40% Sturdyness, 60% Influence, 16% Supernatural, and 11% Evil!

You are Frodo Baggins, the Ring Bearer and chosen one. You are courageous and passionate about the heavy burden that has been laid upon you, but even though you get into trouble a lot, you have good friends (like Sam) to help you through. Not counting your size and strength, and the devouring power of the Ring, your abilities will get you far!

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 52% on Sturdyness You scored higher than 62% on Influence You scored higher than 7% on Supernatural You scored higher than 32% on Evil

Link: The LOTR Character Test written by NoxTyger on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

Funny Photos: An Experiment

Yes, this is in fact East Coast Alaska Girl

With a basket on her head.

I have no idea why the picture has been reproduced so many times. But I have figured out how to post pictures here on the ol blog.

You have been warned.

On Why Juneau Is The Weirdest Place On Earth

Our run of Hedwig (which we are mounting in a bar out by the airport) is only two weeks long because the following weekend the bar is presenting midget wrestling, billed as Half Pint Brawlers.

The Western Union is in the local head shop/ sex toy shop.

I couldn't make this shit up.

Beauty And Oddness

I am in Juneau, Alaska, remounting the production of Hedwig and The Angry Inch that I designed here last season. I had forgotten how much I love this show. It is hard, and bitter, and lonely, and beautiful, and, ultimately, re-affirming. I know so many people (myself included) who have lived through the same experience, searching for identity in an increasingly confusing world, seeking love and acceptance, both from others and ourselves. Hedwig is a freak, an outward representation of the freak I suspect we all feel on the inside. Her search for herself, and the other half she lost is painful to watch, but in the end provides the hope we will all find what we are looking for.

Last season I worked on two shows here that dealt with being outsiders, and the consequences of that status. One of those shows was Hedwig, the other was columbinus. I am struck by the different paths feeling on the outside leads. In one case, it leads to creative acts, in the other (and based on history) it leads to death and destruction. I suppose the difference is that despite her marginilization, Hedwig still believes in love. I wonder at what point Harris and Klebold stopped hoping for it. As I have searched for answers to the question of why they acted the way the did, that they despaired at ever loving or being loved is the only reason I can come up with. It is the only reason I can accept.

On to other things.

I had also forgotten how much I love this production of this show. I sat through a run through this afternoon, and was crying at the end. In a good way. The cast is amazing, and I believe it's some of the best work I have ever done. I will be sorry to leave this one behind.

The week has been one of a lot of emotional upheavel (sp?). I had the rather unpleasant experience of facing my mortality very up close and personal. I realized I am not ready to go gently. Still too much to do.

Other upheavals have been profound changes in the lives of some people very close to me. Of probably greatest note, S, one of the founders of the MSGAP, is getting married.

Yeah.

Peace in yer crease.

"And, We're Back In The Car Again"

For those of you wondering, I made it to Juneau safely, though I had my doubts going in and out of Seattle.

Although I hate take-off and landing, I have never seriously been fearful for my life in an airplane. That is until yesterday. The wind was so strong around Seattle that right as our plane was touching down we were blown to the side and bounced several times on the runway. The pilot was able to maintain control and we eventually stopped sliding back and forth across the tarmac, but in those moments I had to face whether or not I felt ready to die.

The answer came back a resounding no.

On to happier thoughts.

Saturday I went with City Mouse to see the panda cub at the National Zoo. Though he spent the duration of our ten minute visit with him sleeping in a bowl, he is still pretty darned adorable. And I found myself wishing I could spend some time curled up in a bowl napping.

There are other thoughts, but I am out of time.

Peace in yer crease, ya'll.

Ups And Downs

At a certain point this evening, I turned to D, the designer I am assisiting here in LA, and said, "could you be on headset for awhile?" This marked the end of my giving a rat's crap about the show this evening. I lasted almost the whole day, but about twenty minutes from the end of rehearsal, I just couldn't take it any more.

At two seperate times, D restrained me from getting back on headset.

The show has not been going well. The stage manager* has not been able to call the show correctly** yet, some of the lights for the show have yet to turn on, and we have an audience at 10:30 AM tommorrow (actually today as I type this).

I am on my tenth show of the season and I have been in tech since the 7th of October. I am weary as I have seldom been before. I am ready to be home for awhile; to see friends and family, and maybe enjoy an evening in my own apartment.

But that is the negative stuff. I am happier than I have ever been in my life. I feel incredibly blessed. I work at the thing I love, and people pay me to do it. Tonight I watched 60 children dance in ant costumes with drums on their butts. It is too cute for words.

I also saw Tim Robbins in the hotel bar this evening.

The best part of my evening, I will keep to myself.

And special thanks to those who have called in the past few days. I really appreciate hearing from you.

Peace in yer crease.


*The person who is supposed to run rehearsals and help the artistic staff realize their vision for the show.

** ensuring that all the changes, whether they be lighting, sound scenery, or something else, happen when they are supposed to happen.

To The MSGAP

So far, the ride has been smoother than I feared.

Thanx. I love you guys.

Funniest Conversation So Far in California

I was having dinner with BR, one of the Multi-State, Girlie-Advising Posse, and her husband. They were asking me questions about the shows I was working on, and I was going on about the dancing elephant at Children's Theatre Company.

LD: " Sometimes there is nothing happier than a dancing elephant."

BR: "Or maybe you just need to have sex."

Yeah. I got nothing.

I Couldn't Make This Up

The room I am staying in at the Culver Hotel is the Clark Gable Room.

There is a 24x36 framed photo of Clark staring down at the bed. It's a little disturbing.

How Cool Is That

Culver City, CA, has free, city-wide wi-fi.

When will DC do this?

On The Holidays, And Getting Older

Not much posting lately. I have been in tech* for Alice at the Kennedy Center this week. I have also been taking advantage of working in my home town and attempting to have a life outside of work. It has been nice, but has left little time for the old blog.

For the second time this week, it has snowed in Washington. When I still drove, the appearance of snow used to really annoy me. It meant delays and all sorts of tomfoolery on the road. Now that I walk everywhere, I love the snow. There is something delightfully romantic about traipsing about the city while the little white flakes swirl around you. I was positivly giddy on monday, stopping several times to catch snowflakes on my tongue, and fighting hard the urge to lay down in the sidewalk and make a snow angel.

I have started my Christmas shopping, an activity I had all but ended for several years due to financial concerns. It is nice to actually have a little coin in hand to be able to get presents for some of the important people in my life.

I will be spending Christmas in Juneau, Alaska. I am glad that I have close friends there (like East Coast Alaska Girl) to spend time with. The notion of spending Christmas in a hotel room is too crappy for words. I will be home for New Years, which for various reasons I am really excited about.

In a little less than a month, I will turn 38. That's awfully close to 40. I am not one of those people who believes you must have achieved some laundry list by each age marker, but I am more and more aware of the things in my life that are not as permanent as they once seemed. Two years ago my mother went through a bout with breast cancer, and it was the first time I had really come face to face with the very real possibility I will have to deal with the loss of my parents. I was not ready for that then, and I don't think I am any more ready for it now.

One of the other things my impending birthday has had me contemplating has been my relationship with my brother, and somewhat more importantly, his kids. Outside of our parents, my brother and I really share very little in common. We don't have the same interests or even the same values. When we get together, there is nothing for us to talk about except the past. As a consequence, I have avoided most contact with my brother and his family, and have been all but absent from the lives of my niece and nephew as they have been growing up.

I have started to realize how selfish that has been. A child often does not understand the rifts that occur between adults. I am afraid that they think I don't love them, which is certainly not the case, and so am trying to slowly become a part of their lives. But maybe that is just selfish too.

Really what this is probably about is rather uncomfortable feelings regarding my own mortality. Almost 40, and I am statistically more than halfway through my life. I would rather not die with regrets.

A Special Message To The MSGAP

Hang on tight. It could be a bumpy ride.

I Can't Write About...

...what is really on my mind at the moment. Somewhat frustrating, but there you have it.

It relates to the solving of my conundrum, and a timing issue.

I am not sure whether I am being sensible and level headed, or just avoiding the issue. Problem is, by avoiding the issue, it may go away in a way I don't want.

How's that for effing cryptic?