This morning, my alarm went off at 5:00 AM. Not because I had made a mistake in setting it, and not because I had to go to the airport. No, my alarm went off because I had agreed to go back to work for a few days for the company I used to install rigging and machinery for.
The past month and a half have not been banner months where producing income are concerned, so I was grateful to have the work. I know I was helping them out of a bind, and they also are very greatful. Still, I feel like I have just taken several Paul Bunyon sized steps backwards in terms of where I want my professional life to be going.
My anxiety level has been building as time goes on and I am still unable to line up work after the middle of next month. And it seems the more I try to grasp at possibilities for the future, the more thay wriggle away. My neurosis about the future has even spilled over to other aspects of my ife, and was a key issue in my doing something that risked alienating someone I care for a great deal. Fortunately, they are a better person than I and have chosen to let it go.
I feel very much at a crossroads, and am unsure what the next step should be.
There is a point in there somewhere, but I think the sleep deprivation is taking it's toll.
2 comments:
With love in my heart I say this LD, you need to stop thinking and get some sleep...your life is not a continuing experiment in sleep deprivation.
point: you're worried about the future?
point taken.
-s
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