I have been reading a number of different blogs over the past few months. And the number of regularly read blogs is increasing at an alarming rate. I have made a few discoveries in the course of this process.
1: I seem to have way too much free time on my hands.
2: Almost everyone out there is a way better writer than I am. Or their lives are at least more interesting.
3: A disturbing number of people are single when they don't really want to be, despite being (at least as well as I can tell from their writing) funny, intelligent, and articulate.
So what the f*%k is going on? I firmly believe you are better off alone than being with the wrong person, but come on. Is there really no one out there for all of these witty, bright, well spoken people?
It reminds me of an episode of Seinfeld.
Jerry: "95 percent of the population are undate-able."
Elaine: "But what about.."
Jerry: (cutting her off) "Undate-able!"
Elaine: "Then how are all of these people gettig together?"
Jerry: "Alcohol."
I have to believe that is not true. So how do we find someone compatable? Someone with whom we can live, or better yet, not live without.* I feel like we need a blog Golda, reading through everyones blogs, and matching us up with that special someone. i have met and gotten to know some very cool people through this blogging thing, and have even had a small crush or two, but finding a life mate?**
But maybe getting to know someone through their blog is as problematic as getting to know them through work, or some other activity, and then trying to date them. I mean, does dating even exist anymore. In my parents generation, the sexes were far more segregated. There were getleman's clubs (before that became a euphamism for a place women danced naked on a pole) woman's colleges. Professions were generally either for a female or for a male. So the dating process was one of getting to know the other person, because they had very little interaction otherwise.
Nowadays, with genders far more mixed in the workplace (and yes, I understand there is still inequality there, so please put your feminist flame throwers away), at the collegiate level, and with more unsupervised interaction in general, the getting to know you process seems less relevant to dating.
So what does dating mean now? It would appear it is a lot about whether you want to engage in sex with the other person. And maybe if you want to wake up to them in the morning.
But does dating have to be a series of spouse auditions? Can't we just go out and enjoy each other's company? Of course, since most of my friends are women, I do that all the time anyway, and they are most certainly not dates.
Is dating defined by the possibility of a tommorrow morning?
I think we get back to the idea that we each want different things at different times, and so the thing that satisfies us at one time disappoints at another.
I know it is a huge cliche, but I hate that all I get from seeking answers is more questions.
*I don't mean this in the needy, clingy way it sounds. But in that good, "this is the person who knows everything about me and loves me anyway" sort of way.
**It is sometimes hard to find a conversation with a fellow blogger, since you are so informed of the other person's life before meeting. I have made a friend that I have difficulty speaking to because I feel like I already know her very well. It's weird. Trying to get past that because she's really cool. So, LS, don't take it persnally I never have anything to say. I am just an idiot.
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
Rules
I have a lot of guidlines in my life. I think it is my attempt to exercise control in the face of the chaos that is human existance. These are not rules I neccessarily expect others to follow, but things I try to live by so I can look myself in the mirror everyday.
A brief sampling of my rules:
Do not willingly hurt people, and do your best to minimize the hurt when it is unavoidable.
Shoes match belt.
Be the friend you depend on others to be.
No wine without a cork.
Do not mess around with someone else's girl.
Don't date Actors (this is non-negotiable)
Seperate your laundry.
As I have been getting to know a number of new people over the past nine months, I have come to realize just how many rules I have. I am, as my mother says, "particular". What concerns me is that my rules may be closing me off from worthwhile experiences.
I have strongly resolved to not date within the entertainment industry. Most people I have spoken to about it agree, but I was discussing it with a colleague last night, and her response was "so what happens when you meet someone in the business who really interests you? Are you going to pass up what may be the greatest experience of your life just because you have this rule?"
I don't really have an answer for that. And I am plauged by the words of Kyle Smith in Love Monkey: "There is a fine line between picky and loser."
A brief sampling of my rules:
Do not willingly hurt people, and do your best to minimize the hurt when it is unavoidable.
Shoes match belt.
Be the friend you depend on others to be.
No wine without a cork.
Do not mess around with someone else's girl.
Don't date Actors (this is non-negotiable)
Seperate your laundry.
As I have been getting to know a number of new people over the past nine months, I have come to realize just how many rules I have. I am, as my mother says, "particular". What concerns me is that my rules may be closing me off from worthwhile experiences.
I have strongly resolved to not date within the entertainment industry. Most people I have spoken to about it agree, but I was discussing it with a colleague last night, and her response was "so what happens when you meet someone in the business who really interests you? Are you going to pass up what may be the greatest experience of your life just because you have this rule?"
I don't really have an answer for that. And I am plauged by the words of Kyle Smith in Love Monkey: "There is a fine line between picky and loser."
Monday, May 30, 2005
A New Reader?
This afternoon I sent the following message to George Bush.
Mr. President.
I recently read the text of the secret Downing Street Memo, as published by the London Times.
It is unacceptable that your administration has not respoded to this information. We, the people whom you were elected to serve, have a right to know the truth about your justification for invading another country.
We have had enough of lies, half truths, and secrecy. You are in office to serve and satisfy us, Mr. President, not the other way around.
If, by some chance, you have not read this memo, I have reposted the text on my web log.
I concluded with a link to The Lighting Designer's Life.
Perhaps W will become a regular reader.
Mr. President.
I recently read the text of the secret Downing Street Memo, as published by the London Times.
It is unacceptable that your administration has not respoded to this information. We, the people whom you were elected to serve, have a right to know the truth about your justification for invading another country.
We have had enough of lies, half truths, and secrecy. You are in office to serve and satisfy us, Mr. President, not the other way around.
If, by some chance, you have not read this memo, I have reposted the text on my web log.
I concluded with a link to The Lighting Designer's Life.
Perhaps W will become a regular reader.
The Downing Street Memo: The Text
As posted on the The Times Online
The secret Downing Street memo
SECRET AND STRICTLY PERSONAL - UK EYES ONLY
NI_MPU('middle');
DAVID MANNING From: Matthew RycroftDate: 23 July 2002S 195 /02
cc: Defence Secretary, Foreign Secretary, Attorney-General, Sir Richard Wilson, John Scarlett, Francis Richards, CDS, C, Jonathan Powell, Sally Morgan, Alastair Campbell
IRAQ: PRIME MINISTER'S MEETING, 23 JULY
Copy addressees and you met the Prime Minister on 23 July to discuss Iraq.
This record is extremely sensitive. No further copies should be made. It should be shown only to those with a genuine need to know its contents.
John Scarlett summarised the intelligence and latest JIC assessment. Saddam's regime was tough and based on extreme fear. The only way to overthrow it was likely to be by massive military action. Saddam was worried and expected an attack, probably by air and land, but he was not convinced that it would be immediate or overwhelming. His regime expected their neighbours to line up with the US. Saddam knew that regular army morale was poor. Real support for Saddam among the public was probably narrowly based.
C reported on his recent talks in Washington. There was a perceptible shift in attitude. Military action was now seen as inevitable. Bush wanted to remove Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy. The NSC had no patience with the UN route, and no enthusiasm for publishing material on the Iraqi regime's record. There was little discussion in Washington of the aftermath after military action.
CDS said that military planners would brief CENTCOM on 1-2 August, Rumsfeld on 3 August and Bush on 4 August.
The two broad US options were:
(a) Generated Start. A slow build-up of 250,000 US troops, a short (72 hour) air campaign, then a move up to Baghdad from the south. Lead time of 90 days (30 days preparation plus 60 days deployment to Kuwait).
(b) Running Start. Use forces already in theatre (3 x 6,000), continuous air campaign, initiated by an Iraqi casus belli. Total lead time of 60 days with the air campaign beginning even earlier. A hazardous option.
The US saw the UK (and Kuwait) as essential, with basing in Diego Garcia and Cyprus critical for either option. Turkey and other Gulf states were also important, but less vital. The three main options for UK involvement were:
(i) Basing in Diego Garcia and Cyprus, plus three SF squadrons.
(ii) As above, with maritime and air assets in addition.
(iii) As above, plus a land contribution of up to 40,000, perhaps with a discrete role in Northern Iraq entering from Turkey, tying down two Iraqi divisions.
NI_MPU('middle');
The Defence Secretary said that the US had already begun "spikes of activity" to put pressure on the regime. No decisions had been taken, but he thought the most likely timing in US minds for military action to begin was January, with the timeline beginning 30 days before the US Congressional elections.
The Foreign Secretary said he would discuss this with Colin Powell this week. It seemed clear that Bush had made up his mind to take military action, even if the timing was not yet decided. But the case was thin. Saddam was not threatening his neighbours, and his WMD capability was less than that of Libya, North Korea or Iran. We should work up a plan for an ultimatum to Saddam to allow back in the UN weapons inspectors. This would also help with the legal justification for the use of force.
The Attorney-General said that the desire for regime change was not a legal base for military action. There were three possible legal bases: self-defence, humanitarian intervention, or UNSC authorisation. The first and second could not be the base in this case. Relying on UNSCR 1205 of three years ago would be difficult. The situation might of course change.
The Prime Minister said that it would make a big difference politically and legally if Saddam refused to allow in the UN inspectors. Regime change and WMD were linked in the sense that it was the regime that was producing the WMD. There were different strategies for dealing with Libya and Iran. If the political context were right, people would support regime change. The two key issues were whether the military plan worked and whether we had the political strategy to give the military plan the space to work.
On the first, CDS said that we did not know yet if the US battleplan was workable. The military were continuing to ask lots of questions.
For instance, what were the consequences, if Saddam used WMD on day one, or if Baghdad did not collapse and urban warfighting began? You said that Saddam could also use his WMD on Kuwait. Or on Israel, added the Defence Secretary.
The Foreign Secretary thought the US would not go ahead with a military plan unless convinced that it was a winning strategy. On this, US and UK interests converged. But on the political strategy, there could be US/UK differences. Despite US resistance, we should explore discreetly the ultimatum. Saddam would continue to play hard-ball with the UN.
John Scarlett assessed that Saddam would allow the inspectors back in only when he thought the threat of military action was real.
The Defence Secretary said that if the Prime Minister wanted UK military involvement, he would need to decide this early. He cautioned that many in the US did not think it worth going down the ultimatum route. It would be important for the Prime Minister to set out the political context to Bush.
Conclusions:
(a) We should work on the assumption that the UK would take part in any military action. But we needed a fuller picture of US planning before we could take any firm decisions. CDS should tell the US military that we were considering a range of options.
(b) The Prime Minister would revert on the question of whether funds could be spent in preparation for this operation.
c) CDS would send the Prime Minister full details of the proposed military campaign and possible UK contributions by the end of the week.
NI_MPU('middle');
(d) The Foreign Secretary would send the Prime Minister the background on the UN inspectors, and discreetly work up the ultimatum to Saddam.
He would also send the Prime Minister advice on the positions of countries in the region especially Turkey, and of the key EU member states.
(e) John Scarlett would send the Prime Minister a full intelligence update.
(f) We must not ignore the legal issues: the Attorney-General would consider legal advice with FCO/MOD legal advisers.
(I have written separately to commission this follow-up work.)
MATTHEW RYCROFT
(Rycroft was a Downing Street foreign policy aide)
The secret Downing Street memo
SECRET AND STRICTLY PERSONAL - UK EYES ONLY
NI_MPU('middle');
DAVID MANNING From: Matthew RycroftDate: 23 July 2002S 195 /02
cc: Defence Secretary, Foreign Secretary, Attorney-General, Sir Richard Wilson, John Scarlett, Francis Richards, CDS, C, Jonathan Powell, Sally Morgan, Alastair Campbell
IRAQ: PRIME MINISTER'S MEETING, 23 JULY
Copy addressees and you met the Prime Minister on 23 July to discuss Iraq.
This record is extremely sensitive. No further copies should be made. It should be shown only to those with a genuine need to know its contents.
John Scarlett summarised the intelligence and latest JIC assessment. Saddam's regime was tough and based on extreme fear. The only way to overthrow it was likely to be by massive military action. Saddam was worried and expected an attack, probably by air and land, but he was not convinced that it would be immediate or overwhelming. His regime expected their neighbours to line up with the US. Saddam knew that regular army morale was poor. Real support for Saddam among the public was probably narrowly based.
C reported on his recent talks in Washington. There was a perceptible shift in attitude. Military action was now seen as inevitable. Bush wanted to remove Saddam, through military action, justified by the conjunction of terrorism and WMD. But the intelligence and facts were being fixed around the policy. The NSC had no patience with the UN route, and no enthusiasm for publishing material on the Iraqi regime's record. There was little discussion in Washington of the aftermath after military action.
CDS said that military planners would brief CENTCOM on 1-2 August, Rumsfeld on 3 August and Bush on 4 August.
The two broad US options were:
(a) Generated Start. A slow build-up of 250,000 US troops, a short (72 hour) air campaign, then a move up to Baghdad from the south. Lead time of 90 days (30 days preparation plus 60 days deployment to Kuwait).
(b) Running Start. Use forces already in theatre (3 x 6,000), continuous air campaign, initiated by an Iraqi casus belli. Total lead time of 60 days with the air campaign beginning even earlier. A hazardous option.
The US saw the UK (and Kuwait) as essential, with basing in Diego Garcia and Cyprus critical for either option. Turkey and other Gulf states were also important, but less vital. The three main options for UK involvement were:
(i) Basing in Diego Garcia and Cyprus, plus three SF squadrons.
(ii) As above, with maritime and air assets in addition.
(iii) As above, plus a land contribution of up to 40,000, perhaps with a discrete role in Northern Iraq entering from Turkey, tying down two Iraqi divisions.
NI_MPU('middle');
The Defence Secretary said that the US had already begun "spikes of activity" to put pressure on the regime. No decisions had been taken, but he thought the most likely timing in US minds for military action to begin was January, with the timeline beginning 30 days before the US Congressional elections.
The Foreign Secretary said he would discuss this with Colin Powell this week. It seemed clear that Bush had made up his mind to take military action, even if the timing was not yet decided. But the case was thin. Saddam was not threatening his neighbours, and his WMD capability was less than that of Libya, North Korea or Iran. We should work up a plan for an ultimatum to Saddam to allow back in the UN weapons inspectors. This would also help with the legal justification for the use of force.
The Attorney-General said that the desire for regime change was not a legal base for military action. There were three possible legal bases: self-defence, humanitarian intervention, or UNSC authorisation. The first and second could not be the base in this case. Relying on UNSCR 1205 of three years ago would be difficult. The situation might of course change.
The Prime Minister said that it would make a big difference politically and legally if Saddam refused to allow in the UN inspectors. Regime change and WMD were linked in the sense that it was the regime that was producing the WMD. There were different strategies for dealing with Libya and Iran. If the political context were right, people would support regime change. The two key issues were whether the military plan worked and whether we had the political strategy to give the military plan the space to work.
On the first, CDS said that we did not know yet if the US battleplan was workable. The military were continuing to ask lots of questions.
For instance, what were the consequences, if Saddam used WMD on day one, or if Baghdad did not collapse and urban warfighting began? You said that Saddam could also use his WMD on Kuwait. Or on Israel, added the Defence Secretary.
The Foreign Secretary thought the US would not go ahead with a military plan unless convinced that it was a winning strategy. On this, US and UK interests converged. But on the political strategy, there could be US/UK differences. Despite US resistance, we should explore discreetly the ultimatum. Saddam would continue to play hard-ball with the UN.
John Scarlett assessed that Saddam would allow the inspectors back in only when he thought the threat of military action was real.
The Defence Secretary said that if the Prime Minister wanted UK military involvement, he would need to decide this early. He cautioned that many in the US did not think it worth going down the ultimatum route. It would be important for the Prime Minister to set out the political context to Bush.
Conclusions:
(a) We should work on the assumption that the UK would take part in any military action. But we needed a fuller picture of US planning before we could take any firm decisions. CDS should tell the US military that we were considering a range of options.
(b) The Prime Minister would revert on the question of whether funds could be spent in preparation for this operation.
c) CDS would send the Prime Minister full details of the proposed military campaign and possible UK contributions by the end of the week.
NI_MPU('middle');
(d) The Foreign Secretary would send the Prime Minister the background on the UN inspectors, and discreetly work up the ultimatum to Saddam.
He would also send the Prime Minister advice on the positions of countries in the region especially Turkey, and of the key EU member states.
(e) John Scarlett would send the Prime Minister a full intelligence update.
(f) We must not ignore the legal issues: the Attorney-General would consider legal advice with FCO/MOD legal advisers.
(I have written separately to commission this follow-up work.)
MATTHEW RYCROFT
(Rycroft was a Downing Street foreign policy aide)
Downing Street Memo
Sorry, just a little politics here.
Below is a link to an online petition, asking George W Bush to verify or deny the information contained in the Downing Street Memo. If 100,000 people sign up, John Conyers will personally deliver it to the White House.
If you do not approve of our elected officials hiding the truth behid our decision to invade Iraq, please follow the link and read the letter.
http://www.johnconyers.campaignoffice.com/index.asp?Type=SUPERFORMS&SEC={0F1B03E0-080B-4100-B143-36A5985EF1E3}
Below is a link to an online petition, asking George W Bush to verify or deny the information contained in the Downing Street Memo. If 100,000 people sign up, John Conyers will personally deliver it to the White House.
If you do not approve of our elected officials hiding the truth behid our decision to invade Iraq, please follow the link and read the letter.
http://www.johnconyers.campaignoffice.com/index.asp?Type=SUPERFORMS&SEC={0F1B03E0-080B-4100-B143-36A5985EF1E3}
Life in the Country
The couple I am staying with, A, and B, have this gorgeous house on seventy acres here in Berkley (see, I can blend in). The only other house visible from here is the infamous A-Frame, where my hosts' daughter lives with her fiance.
I grew up in a similar situation. We lived out in the middle of nowhere, and could only see one other house from where we lived. I spent long hours walking in the woods, and in warm weather could frequently be found in a tree reading. I was exceptionally self reliant in those days. My parents had seperated, my brother had joined the army, and my mother was working from 6:30 in the morning until 4:30 PM, so I foud myself alone a great deal of the time. It was then i learned to cook, and do my own laundry.
The unfortunate thing about living so far removed from everything was my lack of socalization. I think my deep shyness stems from this period in my life. I am probably too comfortable doing things by myself. I want someone else in my life, but on my own terms. Yet I still struggle with loneliness.
As typically happens, I sat down to write about the great place I was staying, and ended up discussing my issues. But hey, this is way cheaper than therapy.
I am off now to take a walk in the woods.
I grew up in a similar situation. We lived out in the middle of nowhere, and could only see one other house from where we lived. I spent long hours walking in the woods, and in warm weather could frequently be found in a tree reading. I was exceptionally self reliant in those days. My parents had seperated, my brother had joined the army, and my mother was working from 6:30 in the morning until 4:30 PM, so I foud myself alone a great deal of the time. It was then i learned to cook, and do my own laundry.
The unfortunate thing about living so far removed from everything was my lack of socalization. I think my deep shyness stems from this period in my life. I am probably too comfortable doing things by myself. I want someone else in my life, but on my own terms. Yet I still struggle with loneliness.
As typically happens, I sat down to write about the great place I was staying, and ended up discussing my issues. But hey, this is way cheaper than therapy.
I am off now to take a walk in the woods.
Sunday, May 29, 2005
My Very Own Cider House Rules
I am currently in Berkley Springs, WV, designing a production of Steel Magnolias for the Ice House Theatre. It is, as you would expect, a small community theatre up in the mountains of West Virginia. The building that houses the theatre, as well as an art galery and classroom space, used to be a storage facility for apples; thus, the Ice House.
Berkley Springs is an interesting town. Like many small towns a certain distance from a large metropolitan area, it is a mixture of "locals", who were born and raised here, and the "move-ins" who have bought property and moved here. Some of the "move-ins" have opened businesses in town, and there are a number of small coffee houses/ restaurants with vegetarian friendly food, art galleries, and restaurants with entrees running above twenty dollars. To contrast this, there is a hardware store that still sells seed stock loose, and gives you your washers in a small paper envelope (75 cents for 5). And a movie theatre that lists a show time, not times; Thursday thru Sunday at 8:00PM. The town is quaint and earthy-crunchy all at the same time.
There is of course the usual grumbling from the locals about the "city folk trying to come here and run things", and complaints from the move ins about the backwardness of the locals. Despite the fact that her father has owned property here since the 70's, A and her husband, B, are still considered "move ins".
There is also the typical small town gossip. It seems every conversation begins with, "have you heard." Everyone and everything here has a story, and I am beginning to feel left out since i don't have some dark sordid past. I am thinking about making one up. If you have suggestions for this, please let me know.
The people connected with the theatre are very gracious, and everyone here has bent over backwards to make me feel welcome. This evening I attended a party for the cast and crew held at one of the actor's homes. She lives outside of Berkley (no one here refers to it as Berkley Springs, it's just Berkley) in a beautiful cabin by the river. We had a potluck dinner, and even sat around a bonfire making smores.
I am having fun here, although I am still waiting for Charlize Theron to show up and get naked with me.
Berkley Springs is an interesting town. Like many small towns a certain distance from a large metropolitan area, it is a mixture of "locals", who were born and raised here, and the "move-ins" who have bought property and moved here. Some of the "move-ins" have opened businesses in town, and there are a number of small coffee houses/ restaurants with vegetarian friendly food, art galleries, and restaurants with entrees running above twenty dollars. To contrast this, there is a hardware store that still sells seed stock loose, and gives you your washers in a small paper envelope (75 cents for 5). And a movie theatre that lists a show time, not times; Thursday thru Sunday at 8:00PM. The town is quaint and earthy-crunchy all at the same time.
There is of course the usual grumbling from the locals about the "city folk trying to come here and run things", and complaints from the move ins about the backwardness of the locals. Despite the fact that her father has owned property here since the 70's, A and her husband, B, are still considered "move ins".
There is also the typical small town gossip. It seems every conversation begins with, "have you heard." Everyone and everything here has a story, and I am beginning to feel left out since i don't have some dark sordid past. I am thinking about making one up. If you have suggestions for this, please let me know.
The people connected with the theatre are very gracious, and everyone here has bent over backwards to make me feel welcome. This evening I attended a party for the cast and crew held at one of the actor's homes. She lives outside of Berkley (no one here refers to it as Berkley Springs, it's just Berkley) in a beautiful cabin by the river. We had a potluck dinner, and even sat around a bonfire making smores.
I am having fun here, although I am still waiting for Charlize Theron to show up and get naked with me.
Friday, May 27, 2005
Back In A Week
I am leaving in about an hour for Berkley Springs, WV. I don't know if I will have internet access, so if you don't hear from me in the next week or so, I have not died, even if I am Almost Heaven.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
Sorry, couldn't resist.
A Quick Shout Out
I would like to pause and say how much I apreciate the Kenans, and their continued support of the fellowship I have been doing this year through the Kennedy Center. I have had a great season. So thank you.
A Sad Moment
Headsman's Holiday, the show I have been assisiting on, previewed this evening. I leave tommorrow for Berkely Springs, WV, where I am designing Steel Magnolias, and after that, the season is basically over. Magnolias will be the eighteenth show I have done since September, and while having the work has been great, I am ready for a bit of a break.
The preview tonight also signaled if not the end, then a great reduction in the working relationship I have had with the lighting designer I have been assisting for most of this season. We are not going seperate ways because of a desire to, but because my fellowship at the Kennedy Center has been picking up the tab, and that fellowship is now at it's end.
I am saddened that I will not be as available as I was before. I have really enjoyed working with this other designer. He has been a good colleague, and more importantly, a good friend.
The preview tonight also signaled if not the end, then a great reduction in the working relationship I have had with the lighting designer I have been assisting for most of this season. We are not going seperate ways because of a desire to, but because my fellowship at the Kennedy Center has been picking up the tab, and that fellowship is now at it's end.
I am saddened that I will not be as available as I was before. I have really enjoyed working with this other designer. He has been a good colleague, and more importantly, a good friend.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
Blogs That Make Me Feel Inadequate
I usually feel like I have a pretty good grasp on the things that matter to me, art, theatre, current events, food and wine. I feel as if I am able to express thoughts and opinions on these subjects with some level of clarity.
Then I read blogs like the Arctic Actor's, and am immediately ashamed I haven't read more, seen more and thought more. I try to comfort myself that I am not a writer, but a visual artist. That even works sometimes.
Then I read blogs like the Arctic Actor's, and am immediately ashamed I haven't read more, seen more and thought more. I try to comfort myself that I am not a writer, but a visual artist. That even works sometimes.
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
And Still More Movie Quotes
"The greatest thing you'll ever learn, is just to love, and be loved in return."
Moulin Rouge
Moulin Rouge
Monday, May 23, 2005
Stop Everything
Go to the bookstore. Buy The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. Read it.
You won't regret it, I promise.
You won't regret it, I promise.
The Tyranny of Democracy
I read recently an interview with the President of Iran. In it he discussed the conflict between the Western idea of democracy, and how it is practised in his country. I don't know enough about the government of Iran to speak at length about it, but one thing that struck me was that in Iran the church and the state are bound together. It seems that no secular law can be passed that is in disagreement with the Koran. And this is one of the things that the Bush administration touts as a example of the lack of freedom in Iran. I find this ironic from a man deeply entrenched in the agenda of the religious right.
So I have begun thinking about the idea of democracy and freedom. Does one really equal the other? And is democracy the only path to freedom?
At this moment, our military is engaged in conflicts in two different countries, and we seem to be gearing up for coflicts in two others. Outside of my brother and one friend, no one I know supports these actions. I will grant you I don't know 250 million people, no where near that, so I cannot speak for the rest of the country.
But it brings up an interesting point about the notion of Democracy and freedom. If 51 % of the people say to do something, does it make it right just because thay are in the majority? Does that make the other 49% wrong? Or do you need 66%? Or 75%? Or 99%? And even if you get 99% of the people to agree on something (good luck with that), what happens to the rights of the other 1%? Do we not accept anything less than 100%, and thus make even the most basic decisions impossible?
Of course not. In this counrty we rely on a system that bargains and compromises, making concessions to the other side.
And in this counrty, we still have crime, violence, bigotry, poverty, inequality. We have a government continuing to engage in military action despite the majority of the country not being in favor of it. We have a government that has passed legislation allowing the seizure of property without due process, the detainment of individuals without counsel and without charging them with a crime. And we have a government that has effectivley removed this nation from the rest of the world community by it's assertion we are not bound by the terms of the Geneva Convention regarding the treatment of prisoners. We have used these sorts of actions on the part of other governments as an excuse for invasion, all in the name of liberating the opressed people.
So while our government is out touting "Freedom and Democracy" and in the mean time telling Iraq and Afghanistan to accept our form of government while we hold a gun to their heads, it might be best to contemplate whether "Democracy" is really as free as we make it out to be.
So I have begun thinking about the idea of democracy and freedom. Does one really equal the other? And is democracy the only path to freedom?
At this moment, our military is engaged in conflicts in two different countries, and we seem to be gearing up for coflicts in two others. Outside of my brother and one friend, no one I know supports these actions. I will grant you I don't know 250 million people, no where near that, so I cannot speak for the rest of the country.
But it brings up an interesting point about the notion of Democracy and freedom. If 51 % of the people say to do something, does it make it right just because thay are in the majority? Does that make the other 49% wrong? Or do you need 66%? Or 75%? Or 99%? And even if you get 99% of the people to agree on something (good luck with that), what happens to the rights of the other 1%? Do we not accept anything less than 100%, and thus make even the most basic decisions impossible?
Of course not. In this counrty we rely on a system that bargains and compromises, making concessions to the other side.
And in this counrty, we still have crime, violence, bigotry, poverty, inequality. We have a government continuing to engage in military action despite the majority of the country not being in favor of it. We have a government that has passed legislation allowing the seizure of property without due process, the detainment of individuals without counsel and without charging them with a crime. And we have a government that has effectivley removed this nation from the rest of the world community by it's assertion we are not bound by the terms of the Geneva Convention regarding the treatment of prisoners. We have used these sorts of actions on the part of other governments as an excuse for invasion, all in the name of liberating the opressed people.
So while our government is out touting "Freedom and Democracy" and in the mean time telling Iraq and Afghanistan to accept our form of government while we hold a gun to their heads, it might be best to contemplate whether "Democracy" is really as free as we make it out to be.
Sunday, May 22, 2005
Saturday Evening Weirdness
I called Biker Chick this afternoon, since I had not heard from her in awhile. I left a message, and she called me right as i was about to go into rehearsal. We chatted long enough for me to learn she had broken up with the guy in her life. So after rehearsal, I called to see if she wanted to grab a drink and talk about it. We ended up in a bar frequented by a number of actors.
And who is sitting there as I walk up, but the Classical Actress.
A little back story. I met the Classical Actress about eleven years ago, when we did a number of shows together. I have seen her every now and again over the interveneing years, but had lost touch after my divorce and subsequent move to NC.
Last fall I attended a play she was performing in, and ran into her after the show. We chatted for a brief minute, and then later ran into one another in a bar near the theatre. We hung out (among a group of people), and caught up a little. During this time it came up that I had gotten divorced.
We met for lunch later in the week, and her first question as I sat down was, "So what happened between you and (ex-wife)?" Classical Actress had known my ex-wife, and so I guess it was a logical question, but it threw me. I had long ago explained to those who knew both of us (and who cared to hear my side of the story), what had happened between us. I had put it behind me, and almost no one in my life now really knew my ex. So it was strange dredging all of that up again.
The next question concerned a mutual friend of ours, whom I had had a falling out with. CA asked what had happened there, and my response was, "I told her something she didn't want to hear." I got the sense she already knew the answer however.
These two topics of conversation had me out of sorts, and I was rather quiet through the rest of lunch.
I don't know if I said or did something (or didn't), but after that lunch, CA did not return my phone calls, and has acted very strange every time I bump into her. I don't know why, because we had once been friends, and it bothers me someone I think very highly of has put themselves at a distance that did not used to be there.
So seeing CA tonight was weird. I stopped to say hello on the way in, and said goodbye when I left, but the distance is still there. It is bothering me enough to ask about it. Biker Chick's advice is "Blow it off.", but as we all know, I am not very good at that most times.
And who is sitting there as I walk up, but the Classical Actress.
A little back story. I met the Classical Actress about eleven years ago, when we did a number of shows together. I have seen her every now and again over the interveneing years, but had lost touch after my divorce and subsequent move to NC.
Last fall I attended a play she was performing in, and ran into her after the show. We chatted for a brief minute, and then later ran into one another in a bar near the theatre. We hung out (among a group of people), and caught up a little. During this time it came up that I had gotten divorced.
We met for lunch later in the week, and her first question as I sat down was, "So what happened between you and (ex-wife)?" Classical Actress had known my ex-wife, and so I guess it was a logical question, but it threw me. I had long ago explained to those who knew both of us (and who cared to hear my side of the story), what had happened between us. I had put it behind me, and almost no one in my life now really knew my ex. So it was strange dredging all of that up again.
The next question concerned a mutual friend of ours, whom I had had a falling out with. CA asked what had happened there, and my response was, "I told her something she didn't want to hear." I got the sense she already knew the answer however.
These two topics of conversation had me out of sorts, and I was rather quiet through the rest of lunch.
I don't know if I said or did something (or didn't), but after that lunch, CA did not return my phone calls, and has acted very strange every time I bump into her. I don't know why, because we had once been friends, and it bothers me someone I think very highly of has put themselves at a distance that did not used to be there.
So seeing CA tonight was weird. I stopped to say hello on the way in, and said goodbye when I left, but the distance is still there. It is bothering me enough to ask about it. Biker Chick's advice is "Blow it off.", but as we all know, I am not very good at that most times.
Friday, May 20, 2005
Revenge of the Sith Kicks Serious Ass!!!!
Saw the movie this morning at 8:30 AM. Had a blast. If you are a Star Wars fan at all, you will love this movie. The action sequences rock, including one between Obi Wan Kenobi and a four armed, lightsaber wielding droid. I don't want to give anything away, so i won't talk about it too much. Just go see the movie.
And may the Force be with you.
And may the Force be with you.
Thursday, May 19, 2005
T-Minus One Hour
I am currently parked at the Starbucks located right next door to the Uptown Theatre, tickets in wallet, waiting to go in to see Star Wars. I have had five hours of sleep, but at least I didn't spend the night on the sidewalk, like some of the people around me.
It's called Fandango, morons.
It's called Fandango, morons.
Wednesday, May 18, 2005
25 Hours Til Geek Heaven
25 hours from now, I will be watching the 20th Century Fox logo, then the movie I have ben waiting for for three years. Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. And I got tickets to see it at the Uptown.
Woo Hoo
Woo Hoo
Tuesday, May 17, 2005
The Net Appears!
Just recieved word from one of the organizations I work with that they may be able to help with the cost of Union membership.
Woo Hoo!
Woo Hoo!
Afternoon Weirdness of Cosmic Proportions
I was taking a brief break from the grocery shopping routine (I shop at two different stores, so I am between trips), and looking through profiles on Onion Personals, when I ran across a profile that I am fairly certain is my ex-wife.
I am now convinced this town is too small.
I am now convinced this town is too small.
Monday, May 16, 2005
Why Art?
On Friday I received an email from my alma mater, North Carolina School of the Arts, informing me that the state was looking to cut it’s annual budget by 10%, or roughly $2,000,000. This reduction in funding will force the school to lay off faculty and staff, and thus reduce the level of education for it’s students. It seems likely that the budget cuts will also raise tuition.
As dire as this is for the school, what disturbs me most is the underlying reason for it. Despite having been in existence for forty years, and producing graduates who have gone on to star onstage and behind the scenes in film, television, theatre, music, opera, dance and film, the school has been under attack by members of the NC state legislature who question the need for it to exist.
The argument frequently is that the arts are not practical, don’t produce anything of tangible value. And of course many of us do work for little money with almost no security. But as far as not producing anything practical?
I honestly don’t know what to say to people who don’t see the need for the arts. To me it seems self evident. The arts are why we do all the other crap, why we live at all. To attack the arts is to attack that which makes life worth living.
These attacks generally stem from the religious right, and I am left to wonder why. Is it because the production of art is no longer solely under the patronage, and thus control, of the church? That has been the case for centuries, so I somehow doubt that is it.
Is it because societies have elevated artists into almost worshipful status, thus supplanting God? Perhaps, but we have done the same with sports and political figures as well, and no one from the church is raising hell about that.
What I think causes these attacks is this: I believe the arts are about expressing one’s understanding of universal truths. And those that would like us all to believe what they believe, think how they think, cannot stand that anyone would have the ability to see these truths through any other lens but their own. When we are each capable of seeking, grasping and expressing these truths on our own, we have ended the need for the church to interpret them for us.
This is not to say I am anti- church. I am for any means to seek the truth. I simply object to the notion that there is only one path to be followed on this quest.
As dire as this is for the school, what disturbs me most is the underlying reason for it. Despite having been in existence for forty years, and producing graduates who have gone on to star onstage and behind the scenes in film, television, theatre, music, opera, dance and film, the school has been under attack by members of the NC state legislature who question the need for it to exist.
The argument frequently is that the arts are not practical, don’t produce anything of tangible value. And of course many of us do work for little money with almost no security. But as far as not producing anything practical?
I honestly don’t know what to say to people who don’t see the need for the arts. To me it seems self evident. The arts are why we do all the other crap, why we live at all. To attack the arts is to attack that which makes life worth living.
These attacks generally stem from the religious right, and I am left to wonder why. Is it because the production of art is no longer solely under the patronage, and thus control, of the church? That has been the case for centuries, so I somehow doubt that is it.
Is it because societies have elevated artists into almost worshipful status, thus supplanting God? Perhaps, but we have done the same with sports and political figures as well, and no one from the church is raising hell about that.
What I think causes these attacks is this: I believe the arts are about expressing one’s understanding of universal truths. And those that would like us all to believe what they believe, think how they think, cannot stand that anyone would have the ability to see these truths through any other lens but their own. When we are each capable of seeking, grasping and expressing these truths on our own, we have ended the need for the church to interpret them for us.
This is not to say I am anti- church. I am for any means to seek the truth. I simply object to the notion that there is only one path to be followed on this quest.
The Die Is Cast!
No, I'm not crossing the Rubicon, at least not literally.
I have just returned from mailing the $50 Application Fee, 7 copies of my resume and Production Questionnaire, 5 self addressed mailing labels, and Application to take the Lighting Design exam for entrance into United Scenic Artists Local 829. I have not been this nervous since I told my ex-wife I wanted a divorce.
Now all I have to do is secure four letters of reccomendation, rework my portfolio, and save about $2,000 by July 16. Piece of cake, right?
Right.
I have just returned from mailing the $50 Application Fee, 7 copies of my resume and Production Questionnaire, 5 self addressed mailing labels, and Application to take the Lighting Design exam for entrance into United Scenic Artists Local 829. I have not been this nervous since I told my ex-wife I wanted a divorce.
Now all I have to do is secure four letters of reccomendation, rework my portfolio, and save about $2,000 by July 16. Piece of cake, right?
Right.
Movie Quotes
" He said something that led me to believe the car was his."
"What was that?"
"That's my car, motherfucker."
Wonder Boys
"What was that?"
"That's my car, motherfucker."
Wonder Boys
Sunday, May 15, 2005
Dining Out
I am not one of those people who has a problem eating out by myself. I do it frequently because of my work schedule, especially when I am out of town. I also do it because my friends in town are as busy as I am.
But when I eat out alone, I usually go to pubs or bars for burgers and such. Something quick because I have something to do or somewhere to be. Last night was press for Of a Sunday Morning with Charter Theatre, and I had the late afternoon and evening free. So I took myself to a finer restaurant, had a few glasses of wine, and a delightful pork loin in a blackberry sauce. It was delightful. Without the distraction of a dinner companion, I was able to concentrate on the flavor of the food and wine. Although I often do it at home, I discovered the joy of dining by myself. Somehow being out in a restaurant made the experience all the more enjoyable, and for the first time I was not only comfortable being by myself, I embraced it.
A toast to dining alone.
But when I eat out alone, I usually go to pubs or bars for burgers and such. Something quick because I have something to do or somewhere to be. Last night was press for Of a Sunday Morning with Charter Theatre, and I had the late afternoon and evening free. So I took myself to a finer restaurant, had a few glasses of wine, and a delightful pork loin in a blackberry sauce. It was delightful. Without the distraction of a dinner companion, I was able to concentrate on the flavor of the food and wine. Although I often do it at home, I discovered the joy of dining by myself. Somehow being out in a restaurant made the experience all the more enjoyable, and for the first time I was not only comfortable being by myself, I embraced it.
A toast to dining alone.
Friday, May 13, 2005
Smoke Signals
One of my blog sibling's recent relationship woes started me thinking about the means of communication we use to tell members of the opposite sex (or same sex, for that matter) we are interested. My experience, and that of other men I know, is that most women are far too subtle for the average man. I will provide an example, relayed to me by a close friend.
A girl he new was complaining that a guy she had met at a bar had not responded to her obvious signal that she was interested. When my friend asked her to show him what she had done, she stood up, walked about four paces, looked back, then kept on walking. From this small action, she expected this poor fella to understand that what he was supposed to do was follow her.
So my advice to you ladies is: If you are interested, say something. Speak plainly and directly. Any other approach leaves too much room for doubt on both sides.
I know you probably fear the rejection, but so do we. Be honest, but gentle.
As a side thought, the ones who do read the signals are probably the ones you want to avoid, anyway.
A girl he new was complaining that a guy she had met at a bar had not responded to her obvious signal that she was interested. When my friend asked her to show him what she had done, she stood up, walked about four paces, looked back, then kept on walking. From this small action, she expected this poor fella to understand that what he was supposed to do was follow her.
So my advice to you ladies is: If you are interested, say something. Speak plainly and directly. Any other approach leaves too much room for doubt on both sides.
I know you probably fear the rejection, but so do we. Be honest, but gentle.
As a side thought, the ones who do read the signals are probably the ones you want to avoid, anyway.
Thursday, May 12, 2005
The Terror of the Future
So I have been putting it off long enough. I am taking a break right now from working on my application to take the United Scenic Artists' exam in July. For you non theatre types, USA is the union that represents professional designers of scenery, lighting, costumes and sound, as well as scenic painters and storyboard artists. First is reformatting my resume, followed by the rather strange "Production Questionerre". I then have to obtain four letters of reccommendation. Oh yeah, and I have to save up the almost $2,000 dollars in fees I will have to pay within three months of acceptance into the Union.
I am scared of taking this step on many levels. One is the money I have to set aside (if I don't pay the fees within three months of acceptance, the offer is withdrawn and I have to go through the process again) since I have not been making enough money at the Kennedy Center to be able to save any. Another is the worry I am not ready and thus making a fool of myself in front of other members of the profession. And finally is the concern that it will actually make it harder to find work.
But I have found when I am fearful of something that will ultimately be good for me, it is better to just jump into the deep end.
Leap, and the net will appear.
I am scared of taking this step on many levels. One is the money I have to set aside (if I don't pay the fees within three months of acceptance, the offer is withdrawn and I have to go through the process again) since I have not been making enough money at the Kennedy Center to be able to save any. Another is the worry I am not ready and thus making a fool of myself in front of other members of the profession. And finally is the concern that it will actually make it harder to find work.
But I have found when I am fearful of something that will ultimately be good for me, it is better to just jump into the deep end.
Leap, and the net will appear.
You Never Get That Time Back
Showed up for load in at 2:00 PM today. At 7:00 PM I still had done nothing tangible except correct some paperwork errors. We left with the cast doing an unexpected spacing rehearsal, the set not finished and the plot not fully hung. We are in theory going to begin focus at 10:00 AM tommorrow morning.
I am not sure what happened. I have been busy with another show, so not really privy to the ins and outs over the past few days. I do know it is frustrating to show up and do nothing for five hours, then go home because you are not going to be able to do anything for the rest of the day.
Well, as Scarlett says, tommorrow is another day.
On a positive note, I have had some email traffic back and forth from a few people contacted through the Onion Personals. I even chatted online with a lovely young woman for about half an hour. I am curious to see where all of this goes.
I am not sure what happened. I have been busy with another show, so not really privy to the ins and outs over the past few days. I do know it is frustrating to show up and do nothing for five hours, then go home because you are not going to be able to do anything for the rest of the day.
Well, as Scarlett says, tommorrow is another day.
On a positive note, I have had some email traffic back and forth from a few people contacted through the Onion Personals. I even chatted online with a lovely young woman for about half an hour. I am curious to see where all of this goes.
Wednesday, May 11, 2005
So Maybe There Is Something To This
In the less than twelve hours since posting my profile (see post below), I have recieved two answered messages and one response to my profile. This seems somewhat promising.
The Experiment Begins
Several people have suggested I try internet dating as a way to help get over my painful shyness. So this evening I posted a profile on Onion Personals, and spent a little time perusing profiles of the opposite sex. My search criteria were women, between 34 and 45, living within 25 miles of my zip code. There was a shocking number of people who came up, over 200. I found three whose profiles made me laugh, and sent messages to each.
On my own, it probably would never have occured to me to try this, but a number of my blog siblings have had some success from it, so I thought I would give it a shot. I am certainly not seeking a soul mate or anything. But I have never really dated. I have usually fallen into relationships quickly (S refers to me as "the nesting guy."), so I would like to gain some measure of comfort in dealing socially with the opposite sex.
Stay tuned to see how it turns out.
On my own, it probably would never have occured to me to try this, but a number of my blog siblings have had some success from it, so I thought I would give it a shot. I am certainly not seeking a soul mate or anything. But I have never really dated. I have usually fallen into relationships quickly (S refers to me as "the nesting guy."), so I would like to gain some measure of comfort in dealing socially with the opposite sex.
Stay tuned to see how it turns out.
Tuesday, May 10, 2005
Helen Hayes Hangover
"Open Bar". These words sound good in principle, but in practice...
Needless to say, I had a few vodka tonics whilst schmoozing my way around the after party last night. I got to see some friends, both old and new. And I even accomplished a little bit of whoring for work.
What I did not accomplish was drinking enough water, and thus have consumed a liter and a half in the past two hours.
MMMM, hangover.
Needless to say, I had a few vodka tonics whilst schmoozing my way around the after party last night. I got to see some friends, both old and new. And I even accomplished a little bit of whoring for work.
What I did not accomplish was drinking enough water, and thus have consumed a liter and a half in the past two hours.
MMMM, hangover.
Monday, May 09, 2005
Helen Hayes Wardrobe Crisis
Through various accidents and the standard ravages of time, my more formal clothing collection has fallen off dramatically. With the Helen Hayes Awards tommorrow night, I have some wardrobe replenishing that needs to be done. I need new shoes (and I have HUGE shoe issues), a new shirt, and possibly a new tie.
S has usually been my fashion counselor, but with her in New Orleans, I feel somewhat lost. Left to my own devices, I tend towards rather conservative clothing choices. S steered me away from that, but I feel unsure how far out on the edge I can get away with.
So shopping promises to be somewhat traumatic tommorrow. If you see me at the awards looking like a dork, don't tell me. I might never go anywhere social again.
S has usually been my fashion counselor, but with her in New Orleans, I feel somewhat lost. Left to my own devices, I tend towards rather conservative clothing choices. S steered me away from that, but I feel unsure how far out on the edge I can get away with.
So shopping promises to be somewhat traumatic tommorrow. If you see me at the awards looking like a dork, don't tell me. I might never go anywhere social again.
Sunday, May 08, 2005
shkspr prjct
I went to see shkspr prjct last night, presented by Catalyst Theater Company at the Capitol Hill Arts Workshop. Using methods developed by Jerzy Grotowski, Kathleen Akerley has staged an adaptation of Macbeth that focuses on an almost mechanical movement, and repetition of the text.
I had two reactions to the production. As a visual artist, the images produced were stunning, sometimes even breathtaking. As someone who interprets dramatic text, I found the treatment a little against my grain. I should pause here to explain that I am a strict formalist when it comes to theatre. I believe theatre is about the playwright, and our jobs as actors, directors, and designers is to bring to life the world the author has written.
It is not that I disliked the production. Indeed, there were many aspects I felt illuminated the text in new and fascinating ways. In the repetition of the text, we are frequently brought backwards to revisit events we have already seen. The most engaging of these was towards the end, as Macbeth is facing the downfall of his reign. We are shown the murder of Duncan, as Macbeth repeats over and over "We will proceed no further in this business." This moment reflected both the emotional conflict Macbeth faces at the time of the murder, and the despair he feels at his final undoing, better than any traditionally staged production I have ever seen.
The movement also provides a mechanical quality that suggests the ever turning machinery of fate. I do wonder if this idea could have been better built upon and focused. Perhaps that is not the point, however.
I have to give a shout out to the lighting design, done by Jason Cowperthwaite. It is some of the most gorgeous work I have seen all season.
I strongly reccommend the show, especially if you saw The Shakespeare Theatre's production in the fall. The Catalyst production certainly offers an interesting counterpoint.
The show plays through June 11. Tickets are $30.
I had two reactions to the production. As a visual artist, the images produced were stunning, sometimes even breathtaking. As someone who interprets dramatic text, I found the treatment a little against my grain. I should pause here to explain that I am a strict formalist when it comes to theatre. I believe theatre is about the playwright, and our jobs as actors, directors, and designers is to bring to life the world the author has written.
It is not that I disliked the production. Indeed, there were many aspects I felt illuminated the text in new and fascinating ways. In the repetition of the text, we are frequently brought backwards to revisit events we have already seen. The most engaging of these was towards the end, as Macbeth is facing the downfall of his reign. We are shown the murder of Duncan, as Macbeth repeats over and over "We will proceed no further in this business." This moment reflected both the emotional conflict Macbeth faces at the time of the murder, and the despair he feels at his final undoing, better than any traditionally staged production I have ever seen.
The movement also provides a mechanical quality that suggests the ever turning machinery of fate. I do wonder if this idea could have been better built upon and focused. Perhaps that is not the point, however.
I have to give a shout out to the lighting design, done by Jason Cowperthwaite. It is some of the most gorgeous work I have seen all season.
I strongly reccommend the show, especially if you saw The Shakespeare Theatre's production in the fall. The Catalyst production certainly offers an interesting counterpoint.
The show plays through June 11. Tickets are $30.
My Conundrum
About a month ago, Biker Chick and I were out to dinner. We were discussing work and dating woes, and the subject of another theatre artist here in town came up. We talked about this person's work, and I concluded with, "Yeah, and she's hot." Biker Chick asked, "Why don't you ask her out?" The conversation moved on, and I did not really give the idea much thought.
Last night, Biker Chick and I went to see shkspr prjct produced by Catalyst Theater Company, and this person was there as well. After the show BC and I went to grab something to eat, and she mentioned an idea about having myself and this other woman over to her house for dinner. I am at a point where I am certainly willing to have my friends set me up on dates, so I am not apalled by the idea.
Unfortunately, this person is also someone who might be in a position to help me find work. And with my calander after May being the color of virgin snow, I have to look where I can.
So my conundrum is; pursue the woman, or pursue the work?
What do you think, gentle readers?
Last night, Biker Chick and I went to see shkspr prjct produced by Catalyst Theater Company, and this person was there as well. After the show BC and I went to grab something to eat, and she mentioned an idea about having myself and this other woman over to her house for dinner. I am at a point where I am certainly willing to have my friends set me up on dates, so I am not apalled by the idea.
Unfortunately, this person is also someone who might be in a position to help me find work. And with my calander after May being the color of virgin snow, I have to look where I can.
So my conundrum is; pursue the woman, or pursue the work?
What do you think, gentle readers?
Saturday, May 07, 2005
Sleep Deprivation Rocks!
The show I am currently working on, Of a Sunday Morning with Charter Theatre, was originally scheduled to begin load in on Sunday. I had planned to spend the end of this week attending rehearsal, and trying to adjust my body clock back to East Coast time.
So you can imagine my surprise at showing up for rehearsal Thursday night to find the set half finished. Instead of the somewhat relaxed day I had planned for myself, I will spend today watching a run of the show, loading in, and cueing. Not a difficult task given the size of the space and the resources available, but I am operating on three hours of sleep. I am still on Alaska time, and it is making me a bit nuts today.
So you can imagine my surprise at showing up for rehearsal Thursday night to find the set half finished. Instead of the somewhat relaxed day I had planned for myself, I will spend today watching a run of the show, loading in, and cueing. Not a difficult task given the size of the space and the resources available, but I am operating on three hours of sleep. I am still on Alaska time, and it is making me a bit nuts today.
People I Admire
Courage comes in many forms, and many times we don't know where it lies within us. Often we need some extraordinary circumstance to bring that courage out of it's hiding place. And sometimes, the act of continuing day to day is the most couragous thing a person can do.
The Vegeterian works with children who have AIDS. Since I have known her, two of her kids have died of the disease, one of whom she was with when he died. She was devestated by this, but she still continues to go back to work, day after day. She takes great joy in being a part of these kid's lives. I have never said this to her, but I am awed by her courage. I take loss exceptionally hard. I know there is no way I could continue to work with people I knew I would have to say goodbye to in that way. Her spirit humbles me.
My mom grew up poor, was the only daughter with five brothers, and had an alcoholic father. After graduating from high school, she worked as a secretary for the FBI in Washington. She met my father on a blind date, fell in love with the uniform (he was in the Air Force) and married him. They moved to Florida so he could attend college, and that was when the first signs of his mental illness began to show itself too her. For twenty years, she tried to hold together a family in the face of my father's alcoholism and mental instability. After they seperated, she battled depression while working 14 hours a day and trying to continue to raise me. I could not have endured what she has; I would have curled up into a ball and let the world go on without me. But my mother would not shirk her responsibility to her children. She persevered and did what was necessary day in and day out. I cannot imagine the strength it took to survive the first 40 years of her life, but I hope some of that strength has passed into me.
Both of these women are an inspiration to me. I feel lucky to have shared a part of life with them.
The Vegeterian works with children who have AIDS. Since I have known her, two of her kids have died of the disease, one of whom she was with when he died. She was devestated by this, but she still continues to go back to work, day after day. She takes great joy in being a part of these kid's lives. I have never said this to her, but I am awed by her courage. I take loss exceptionally hard. I know there is no way I could continue to work with people I knew I would have to say goodbye to in that way. Her spirit humbles me.
My mom grew up poor, was the only daughter with five brothers, and had an alcoholic father. After graduating from high school, she worked as a secretary for the FBI in Washington. She met my father on a blind date, fell in love with the uniform (he was in the Air Force) and married him. They moved to Florida so he could attend college, and that was when the first signs of his mental illness began to show itself too her. For twenty years, she tried to hold together a family in the face of my father's alcoholism and mental instability. After they seperated, she battled depression while working 14 hours a day and trying to continue to raise me. I could not have endured what she has; I would have curled up into a ball and let the world go on without me. But my mother would not shirk her responsibility to her children. She persevered and did what was necessary day in and day out. I cannot imagine the strength it took to survive the first 40 years of her life, but I hope some of that strength has passed into me.
Both of these women are an inspiration to me. I feel lucky to have shared a part of life with them.
Lulu is Fabulous
I saw Lulu Fabulous this evening at Playbill Cafe, and I laughed my ass off. The show is being presented by Phoenix Theatre, and was written by Callie Kimball, aka Lucky Spinster, whom you all know I adore. If you want a fun evening in the theatre, a lot of laughter and a little bit of heartbreak, go see this show. It runs through May 28. At $15 a seat, you would be hard pressed to find a better theatre going bargain.
For you gents who may be nervous about sitting through an estrogen fest, fear not. Although the play does touch on the title character's relations with the male of the species, this is just one aspect of the character's journey to find some meaning in her life. Along the way she also deals with issues with her mother, finding a place to call home, and the death of a loved one.
I was touched by the play, and I very much admire Ms. Kimball's willinngness to put it all out there like that. She's got a pair of brass ones.
For you gents who may be nervous about sitting through an estrogen fest, fear not. Although the play does touch on the title character's relations with the male of the species, this is just one aspect of the character's journey to find some meaning in her life. Along the way she also deals with issues with her mother, finding a place to call home, and the death of a loved one.
I was touched by the play, and I very much admire Ms. Kimball's willinngness to put it all out there like that. She's got a pair of brass ones.
Friday, May 06, 2005
Night Time Visitors
It is 2:00 AM here in Washington, DC. I have a long weekend ahead of me and I should be in bed happily dreaming about Annette Benning rubbing my feet and telling me how brilliant my observations on male/ female relations are.
Instead, I am sitting at my computer and listening to music because my body clock tells me it is only 10:00 PM. I am still on Alaskan time, and if history is any judge, I will be for about three more weeks. I also feel I should be at the show.
So while I wander around the internet, leaving silly commentary on other people's blogs, I am once again beginning to freak out a bit about not having any work after the 5th of June. The little fear fairies are dancing around on my skull, whispering in my ear "Get a real job or you'll starve to death", and I am at this moment not unconvinced they are right. (pardon the double negative, grammatically incorrect but far more dramatic)
In addition to that incessant droning of the fear fairies, I am haunted by the imps of isolation. They sit in the corners chanting the litany, "You will never date again. You will die alone. And Heaven knows, it's more likely George Bush will become a liberal democrat than it is you will ever get laid again.
For a long time, I could never get my personal life and my professional life to go well at the same time. As I seem to be heading downhill on the one, and am already pretty low on the other, I am sickly curious to see what will happen next. Will one suddenly leap forward? Might I get months and months of paid design work? Or maybe I will fall in love.
Now, wouldn' t that be something?
Instead, I am sitting at my computer and listening to music because my body clock tells me it is only 10:00 PM. I am still on Alaskan time, and if history is any judge, I will be for about three more weeks. I also feel I should be at the show.
So while I wander around the internet, leaving silly commentary on other people's blogs, I am once again beginning to freak out a bit about not having any work after the 5th of June. The little fear fairies are dancing around on my skull, whispering in my ear "Get a real job or you'll starve to death", and I am at this moment not unconvinced they are right. (pardon the double negative, grammatically incorrect but far more dramatic)
In addition to that incessant droning of the fear fairies, I am haunted by the imps of isolation. They sit in the corners chanting the litany, "You will never date again. You will die alone. And Heaven knows, it's more likely George Bush will become a liberal democrat than it is you will ever get laid again.
For a long time, I could never get my personal life and my professional life to go well at the same time. As I seem to be heading downhill on the one, and am already pretty low on the other, I am sickly curious to see what will happen next. Will one suddenly leap forward? Might I get months and months of paid design work? Or maybe I will fall in love.
Now, wouldn' t that be something?
Thursday, May 05, 2005
Return to DC
I have made it home without being eaten by bears, or seeing any, for that matter.
The show had an impromptu preview Tuesday night. I think it was good for the cast to have an audience, even one made up of theatre staff and board members. After having been in front of an audience for six weeks, to go back to the rehearsal hall and tech must have been disconcerting. I tried to be as responsive as I could, but I have an annoying laugh.
We did notes after the show, and then I took care of notes after that, so I missed my opportunity to hang out with the cast one last time. They were a great group of people to work with, and I hate that I did not get a chance to say goodbye.
The flight home was OK for the most part. The head of maintanence at the Juneau airport neglected to sign a form, so our plane could not take off for about an hour. I ended up missing my connection at the Seattle airport. This turned out to be for the best because I was able to take the direct flight to DC, instead of having to go through Detroit. I slept most of the way on both flights, although I missed the meal on the Seattle to DC flight so I was starving when I got off the plane.
So much of my life has been wrapped up in that show for the past three months, it seems strange leaving it behind. I feel a bit like I have abandoned The Director, who is SMing the show in Alaska. I find I am a bit depressed.
On a "Timing is Everything in Life" note: When I got back to the hotel at 1:00am Tuesday night/ Wednsday morning, there was a phone message from the Actress. She was free that evening, and we could have done dinner if I had known.
I am glad to be back home.
The show had an impromptu preview Tuesday night. I think it was good for the cast to have an audience, even one made up of theatre staff and board members. After having been in front of an audience for six weeks, to go back to the rehearsal hall and tech must have been disconcerting. I tried to be as responsive as I could, but I have an annoying laugh.
We did notes after the show, and then I took care of notes after that, so I missed my opportunity to hang out with the cast one last time. They were a great group of people to work with, and I hate that I did not get a chance to say goodbye.
The flight home was OK for the most part. The head of maintanence at the Juneau airport neglected to sign a form, so our plane could not take off for about an hour. I ended up missing my connection at the Seattle airport. This turned out to be for the best because I was able to take the direct flight to DC, instead of having to go through Detroit. I slept most of the way on both flights, although I missed the meal on the Seattle to DC flight so I was starving when I got off the plane.
So much of my life has been wrapped up in that show for the past three months, it seems strange leaving it behind. I feel a bit like I have abandoned The Director, who is SMing the show in Alaska. I find I am a bit depressed.
On a "Timing is Everything in Life" note: When I got back to the hotel at 1:00am Tuesday night/ Wednsday morning, there was a phone message from the Actress. She was free that evening, and we could have done dinner if I had known.
I am glad to be back home.
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Almost on my way home.
In five hours I will be on a plane bound for Seattle. The first leg of my trip back home. I am tired, and afraid of going to bed and oversleeping and missing my plane. I am ready to be home.
The show had an impromptu first preview tonight. Some technical glitches, but all in all a good show. I sort of wish I could stay one day longer. The Director, who is SMing the show, has a lot on her hands and I feel somewhat like I m leaving her in the lurch. But there is nothing to be done. I have another show loading in on Sunday. The machine marches on.
I am off to bed now. I have a lot on my mind that I want to write about, so you, my gentle readers, will have to tune in later.
The show had an impromptu first preview tonight. Some technical glitches, but all in all a good show. I sort of wish I could stay one day longer. The Director, who is SMing the show, has a lot on her hands and I feel somewhat like I m leaving her in the lurch. But there is nothing to be done. I have another show loading in on Sunday. The machine marches on.
I am off to bed now. I have a lot on my mind that I want to write about, so you, my gentle readers, will have to tune in later.
Monday, May 02, 2005
Supersize Me
It is very hard to judge distance and size here. Last weekend, walking out to Mendenhall glacier took about twice as long as I expected. Today I saw a pine tree twice as tall as a four story house. I am used to understanding scale based on buildings. I live in a place where man made objects dwarf the natural world. Trees in DC seem intrusive, and definately out of their element. Here, buildings, and in fact people feel like the strangers. It is a little humbling.12:34 am edt
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