Mr Williams

Man goes to the doctor, says he's depressed. Says life seems harsh and cruel. Says he feels all alone in a threatening world, where what lies ahead seems vague and uncertain.

Doctor says "Treatment is simple. The great clown Pagliacci is in town tonight. Go and see him, that should pick your spirits up."

The man bursts into tears and cries "But doctor, I am Pagliacci."

I am deeply saddened by the news of Robin William's suicide. He was a unique genius and I mourn the loss of all that could have been had he remained with us. My sympathies go out to his friends and family. Losing someone suddenly is hard, but I think never more so than in these circumstances. So many questions which will never receive an answer.

I did not know much about his struggles with depression, although I remember him speaking candidly about his addictions to drugs and alcohol. In retrospect I suppose I am not that surprised. My experience has been that many with substance abuse issues also struggle with mental health issues.

I don't know what drove his decision to end his own life, but I think labeling it as "losing his battle with depression" over- simplifies a very complex set of questions. It also suggests that he had no right to do so. A 2005 Pew Research poll showed that 84% of Americans were in favor of "Right To Die" laws. If he had an inoperable brain tumor and took his own life, would we be saying he had no right to make that choice for himself?  Would we be demanding he spend his remaining days in terrible suffering?

Depression is insidious, and I am by no means suggesting that we do nothing to help save people who have come to a place where they see suicide as their only option. I just think people's right to make that decision should not be so easily dismissed when it comes to someone struggling with mental illness. The pain and anguish are just as real as someone suffering from cancer, and failure to acknowledge that just serves to further the stigma of mental health issues and make it more difficult for people to seek help.

I hope that Robin has finally found the peace he was seeking.

Peace in yer crease.

Direct Painting

I produced the work below in a single session, in my Tuesday evening painting class.

                                                                                          Study. Still Life With Oranges & Limes
                                                                                          Oil on canvas board.
                                                                                          20" w x 16" h

We had spent the first couple of class sessions working through the basic steps of indirect painting. Producing a line drawing that we then introduced value into. Transferring that drawing to canvas (in that incarnation by rubbing charcoal on the back of our drawing, setting it against the canvas and going over the lines with a pencil which left a trace of the drawing in charcoal on the surface of the canvas) and then doing a grayscale painting of the forms. The latest step was then painting color over the greyscale.

The painting above was our first foray into direct painting in class, although I had been experimenting with it on my own off and on for a couple of months. We began by drawing in the outlines with a very thin Burnt Umber, using the brush similar to a piece of charcoal. Then we filled in the broad strokes of the background followed by the table top, the bowl and finally the fruit. Then came lots and lots of refining, dealing with the shading of the various objects.

The first thing I struggled with was using a paintbrush to draw. The bowl especially is a hot mess. The decades of drawing with a pencil make doing it with a brush seem strange. I have to have faith that practice will make that feel more natural.

Compositionally, I wish I had made the bowl and fruit bigger, and moved them all slightly to the left. It bothers me less in the photograph* than it does in the actual painting, but the objects that should be capturing our interest are a little overwhelmed by their background.

The lighting in the room was via fluorescent lamps, so there were no strong highlights or contrast, and I found myself exaggerating the shadows beneath the bowl and the single lime far more than they appeared in reality. I feel like doing so was the only thing to do to make it at all interesting.

I am not sure I am sold on direct painting as an avenue I am interested in pursuing. I have an idea about the sort of paintings I want to produce, which will lend itself far more to indirect painting. But an explanation of the art I think I want to produce is probably best left to a later blog post.

Peace in yer crease.

* So far I have shot all of the photos for this blog with my iPhone. I will at some point have to learn how to take better pictures of my work. But I have been interested in the way these photos have softened some of the things I have felt was less than successful in my work, yet exaggerated other things that I now see could use significant improvement.