Remember the movie Bandits with Bruce Willis and Billy Bob Thornton? I cannot remember the name of the woman who played the female lead, but in the movie her character falls for both Willis and Thornton’s characters. Unable to choose, she decides to try to be with both of them. We feel sorry for her because she is caught in an impossible situation, having to make an impossible choice.
Now, reverse that. Imagine it is a man torn between two women. You would never be able to make that a successful mainstream film. Everyone would tear it apart as a tale of a commitment phobic, double dealing asshole. Someone who wants to have his cake and eat it too.
Why is that? Why can we believe a woman can be torn equally between two men, but not the reverse? Do we really find it that impossible to fathom?
Is it possible, for either sex to have equal feelings about two different people at the same time?
I would love to hear from anyone who has been in this situation, and how, or if, it was resolved.
No personal confessions, but, words from my favorite Ani Difranco song, School Night:
ReplyDelete"But then what kind of scale
compares the weight of two beauties
the gravity of duties
or the ground speed of joy?
tell me what kind of gauge
can quantify elation?
what kind of equation
could i possibly employ?
And you'll never know, dear
just how much i loved you
you probably think this was
just my big excuse
but i stand committed
to a love that came before you
and the fact that i adore you
is just one of my truths...
but i guess that this is the price
that we pay for the privilege
of living for even a day
in a world with so many things
worth believing
in."
It's all about this. Not an open relationship type thing, but simply loving two different people. She makes the choice to commit to the one who came first. I would probably do the same.