See, I'm Not The Only One

Citymouse just sent me this.

I now feel completely vindicated.

You Can Tell Summer's Here Cause....

...all the work has dried up and we once again face starvation.

Yeah, we love that.

Bouncing Baby Blog

In all the craziness that has been the winding down of the season, I missed that "The Lighting Designer's Life" turned one at the beginning of the month.

Happy birthday dear ol blog o mine.

Closing The Book

In between all of my running around, I was able to conclude a series of conversations I have been having over the past couple of months. They have related to this situation in my personal life that I have been having such a hard time with. While the outcome is not what I want, it does leave us in a place where we can remain friends. Losing that friendship has been my biggest concern through all of this, so I am relieved.

I have to say thanks to the person involved for letting me say my piece. You have the patience of Job.

From The Big Apple To The Big Easy And Back Again

The past few weeks have been all about traveling back and forth. I spent the week before last making three seperate trips to New York to deal with some changes to the lighting for columbinus at New York Theatre Workshop. Despite the annoying trips on the Chinatown bus, I had a great experience working with the Workshop staff, and it was also great to be involved again with a show I belive in, and which ate up a good part of my life last season.

Last week was vacation. I cashed in frequent flyer miles and headed down to New Orleans to see S. My liver may never be the same, but the trip was exactly what the doctor ordered. I was able to leave all of my troubles behind, and had three days without thinking about my life. It was good to just be.

It was also good to be reminded there are people in my life, other than my family, who love me unconditionally.

Last night I journeyed back up to NY for the opening of columbinus. There are people for whom openings are no big deal, just another part of the process. I am not one of those. I find opening nights exciting, and this one especially so. I marvel at the confluence of events that allows my first New York credit to be as Associate Lighting Designer for an Off Broadway show. I know full well that I lead a charmed life, despite my occasional bitching.

And the show was great. I have seen it a lot over the past two seasons, but still found myself deeply moved last night. So congrats to the cast, the crew, and everyone else involved. And thanks for letting me share the ride.

Short Update

No, I have not died. Nor have I been off somewhere having wild monkey sex with someone. What I have been doing is traveling back and forth to NY for columbinus. A lot. Three trips in one week.

Thank god I go to New Orleans on Wednesday.

New York

I may complain about this city from time to time, but really, it is hard not to love New York in the Spring.

My Life At The Moment

I have not been writing about a part of my life for the past several months, even though it has occupied a good deal of my thoughts. One reason is because it has been too hard to try and speak about here. Another reason is because it involves another person, someone who reads this blog, and I don't want them to read (and possibly mis-interperet) something here that would best be said in person.

As you may have guessed, I have developed rather strong feelings for someone I am exceptionally close to, and these feelings are not mutual. The situation sucks, and I am having a hard time getting over it.

There is no ill will towards this other person. We are friends, and from the beginning have been nothing but honest with one another. They have been far more understanding of how this makes me feel than I really have any right to.

Like I said. The situation sucks, mostly because there is no bad guy here, no one to blame.

There really is not a whole lot more to say about it, except you know the person must be exceptional, if I find them attractive even when they are wearing flops.

Other (Happier) News

Great review for Two Rooms in the Post today. Congrats to all involved, the praise is well deserved.

The News

Of course this story is probably the biggest news. The jury in the trial of Moussaoui came back with a verdict of no to the death penalty. I was surprised by how pleased I was by this. Some who know me may know that I used to believe in the death penalty. I have had a recent turn around on this thinking, due largely to a conversation I had several months ago with MB and City Mouse after my post about the implications of the film Munich.

As Moussaoui may very well be the only person who will ever be brought to trial in connection with the 9/11 attacks, his case brings up some very interesting moral questions. One, where is the line past which someone is beyond forgiveness? Is ten people dead too much? 100? 1,000? Six million? Do we really belive that some people are beyond redemption? And where does redemption end and justice begin? Don't we all believe there are consequences to our actions? Does consequence equal revenge? Let's face it, executing Moussaoui would have been nothing but vengance, but I don't know if in this case it also wouldn't have been just.

Moussaoui did not carry out any of the 9/11 attacks. He was in US custody at the time. But there is evidence he was training to be one of the hijackers, and probably would have participated if he had been free. Federal prosecuters argued that had he co-operated with them, the 9/11 attacks may have been prevented. So if Moussoui is guilty, and deserves the death penalty for having had the ability to stop 9/11 and failing to do so, how safe, morally, are any of us? There is a seemingly endless series of atrocities being carried out every day in the world, yet we fail to act, fail to do anything to stop the suffering and bloodshed. Despite the Bush rhetoric about creating a world "where the strong protect the weak", our refusal to involve ourselves in situations like Darfur because they have nothing we value, leaves a big red stain of guilt on all of our hands.

No answers here folks. Just questions.

Lots and lots of questions.

Grrrr

It really should not be this difficult to cash in your frequent flier miles.

The In- Between

Somewhere between the highs and lows that we usually are refering to when we discuss love and relationships, is the In -Between. The mundane stuff that fills up our time between the romantic stuff and the hard stuff. Shopping for a birthday present for her niece, buying new blinds for your apartment, looking for that book she heard about on NPR. You could each do these things by yourselves, but somehow having the other person along is what really makes these activities worthwhile.

It is easy to be excited about the other person when out for a romantic evening, or together at a social gathering. But to be excited about spending time with another person while doing something as boring shopping for groceries is the mark of something extraordinary.

For the In-Between is where love truly exists, when you find someone who lifts the pedestrian to the sublime simply because they are there.

So...

A number of people have commented to me lately about my rather sporadic (and often cryptic) blog posts. There have been two reasons for that. One is because I have been stupidly busy over the past couple of months.

No complaints there. Busy means work, which I love, and income, which my stomach's annoying fixation on being filled, loves. The project I am currently involved in, Two Rooms over at Theater Alliance, is turning into a really great experience. The cast are all great to work with, as are the director and other designers.

The second reason for my lack of posting is one aspect of my personal life is difficult for me at the moment, although not as hard as it could be. I am exceptionally grateful for the latter.

I have not felt like writing about that part of my life. I still don't. But it does occupy my mind a good bit, so it is hard to write about other things. Consequently, I end up not writing at all.

I really can't say too much more about it. I just have to get past where I am right now.

But like the Beatles say, I get by with a little help from my friends.

I Love When I Do That

I love when I leave my production book at the theatre so I can't work on the paperwork I had planned on this morning.

Hopefully that is not indicative of how the day is going to go.

Drama Prom

First let me say a huge thank you to the organizers of this years Helen Hayes Awards for keeping the thing reigned in at just over two hours. Those of us who were there mostly for the open bar afterwords, apreciate it.

Second, a big thanks to Lucky Spinster for allowing me to be her escort to the festivities last night. And for not wearing flops.

There were no big surprises at the ceremony, although the after party contained a few.

The first was a piece of news that I am afraid I cannot share yet, but I hope you will all send good wishes my way.

I also got to meet a few people I had only known through their on-line persona, most notably Theaterboy. It was nice to finally put a face and voice to the person whose writing I have been reading for a year.

Sadly, I had been up since 6:00 AM, so I pooped out early and went home. So if I did not see you or spend as much time with you as I would normally have done, please don't take it personally. I am just old.

My Word Is My Bond?

This post and the ensuing comments started me thinking again about keeping one's word in this business we call show. I feel as badly as anyone about what happened to Karl, but it should be remembered that he also pulled out of a project he had committed to, and left the company to recast the show without a lot of time, in order to take part in the New York Theatre Workshop production.

There seems to be an accepted convention among those working freelance, that we sign on to a project with the understanding that we may dump it if something bigger/higher profile/better money comes along. In some cases, such as columbinus, the issue is more complicated because a project may have a life farther than we are able to forsee. I don't know how you balance those commitments. I believe that Karl, and the other artists involved were acting on that impulse, and not simply because the show is being done in a high profile venue in NY.

Let's face it. There are rarely real consequences for pulling out of a show. First, we are all struggling, and though it may be a pain in the ass for us at the time, I think most of us want to see our fellow artists succeed. And if we do harbour ill will, it's not terribly likely we are going to go through the trouble of suing over breach of contract. Not for the kind of money most of us are talking about. At most what we will say is "I won't work with/ for that person/ company again."

And really. Who is not going to cast Karl Miller in a role he is suited for?

But is there a point where our word, or even our signature on a contract, stops being something that can be trusted? And if that trust goes, what happens to the trust neccessary to have a true and successful collaboration? This is a business built on personal relationships. We tend to work with the same people over and over again, mostly because we share a similar aesthetic, but also becasue we trust them.

I do not want to seem as if I am criticising Karl, or anyone else. It would be hypocritical of me in any case. Last season I bailed on assisting on Romeo and Juliet at the Folger so I could go design Hedwig at Perseverance, although it was done with the designer's blessing. I have also gotten two design gigs in the last two seasons because the original designers had to bow out to take other projects, so I am certainly benefitting from this tendency in the business.

I don't have any answers, I am afraid. Theatre is a complicated business, one that is extremely tough to make a living in, so sometimes choices must be made. Still it is largely a business where we truly are only as good as our word, so we should maybe think carefully about who we break our word to, and perhaps more importantly, who we give it to.

OMG!

Who The Fuck Are These People?

I mean really.

Smart

I love working on shows with smart people. Smart actors, smart director, smart designers. It makes the whole process so much more enriching.

Catching Up

I feel as if I have not stopped moving since leaving to do Hair at Perseverance. I have no idea where the month of March went, and April does not seem to be faring any better. I have been working at the summer day job in between design gigs, which had tapered off radically after the Fall. The pace seems to be picking back up, which is refreshing, although some of it is last minute so I find myself scrambling to get caught up.

A couple of highlights over the past few weeks:

I designed Cinderella for Columbia Classical Ballet in SC, and got to spend some time hanging out with an old friend from college (the first time around).

I went to a trade show in Lousiville, KY last weekend and caught up with some folks I had not seen in awhile, and even managed to get some leads on side work that will help me stop doing the rigging thing in between designing.

While in Louisville, I also saw the ten minute play that City Mouse directed at Actors Theatre as part of the Humana Festival. The show was outstanding. Nice work, CM.

Calls about design have started to trickle in, so that is a good thing. Of course, they are all for times I am already booked, but it is good to have the offers. Even better, all of the calls are based off recommendations from people I know, including Lucky Spinster. Thanks, sis.

Time to get back to the old drawing board (literally), and finish some paperwork for Two Rooms, being as it loads-in in a week.

Yikes.

Peace in yer crease.

The Hardest Word In The English Language

Never.